All This Time
by lovecamedown
Summary: Patricia is trying to find her purpose in life after university. Eddie is just trying to find life after Patricia. When a mutual friend's wedding causes them to meet again, can they talk through their issues and work it out? Or is Patricia destined to be with another? A Peddie future-fic.
1. Flashbacks and Echoes

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from or related to House of Anubis.**

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**Patricia**

'Soy latte. Non-fat. Please.'

I ran my hands through my hair and sighed, exasperated. Working in a magazine office was stressful. Especially when you were the head editor's assistant on a pretty crappy pay and working six hours a day.

I got Amanda's latte for her before sitting back at my desk outside her office and making some phone calls. I looked down to the photo frame sitting on the wooden desk in front of me and smiled, looking in to my best friend's brown eyes and feeling the sad feeling sink in. I missed Joy. I still called and texted her but it wasn't the same, not seeing her everyday. Even three years after school finished, it still hurt that I couldn't see all my friends everyday.

And then I looked at the empty space next to the photo frame, where a photo of me and him used to sit. I'd finally taken it away about ten months ago, deciding it was best for me to stop torturing myself with it.

The photo was my favourite photo of us; we'd gone up country to see Joy for her 19th birthday, about two months before we split up, and that night was the first night we hadn't fought with each other in months. We'd been sitting in Joy's garden, Eddie on the chair and me on his lap, and I was smiling up at the camera. Eddie, on the other hand, hadn't realised a photo was being taken; his eyes were on me, a small smile on his face only just showing his teeth, and I knew as soon as I saw the photo how he really felt for me. I finally felt like I was being looked at through the eyes of someone who adored me.

But then, a few months after the photo, everything fell apart, and now I was here in a job I hated, with people I didn't like, thinking of him every single day. Every single time I looked at the space where the photo used to be.

And the thing that hurt the most was that he never thought of me, and I knew it. I just knew it.

18 months earlier

_"__I can't do this anymore," I'd said to him. "It's too hard." _

_"__What, so you're just going to give up on us?" _

_I was standing in the corner of the living room at our university student house, 12am, with a distraught and angry Eddie standing in front of me. He was wearing black jeans, a red and white checked flannel shirt and a black T-shirt. We'd been up for hours, arguing and trying to sort things out in our heads. Our housemates were out. _

_ "__I have no other choice, Eddie," I raised my arms at my sides for a moment and then brought them down in despair. "We've run out of things we can do to make this work." _

_"__I'm trying my hardest." _

_"__I know, and so am I…"_

_"__Then why can't we keep trying?" _

_"__Because!" I said, my voice raising now. I looked him right in the eyes and almost fell apart right there in front of him. The room was so dim; his eyes looked dark enough that they could nearly be black. "Because it's hurting me.… Does it not hurt you? – To see us falling apart like this? Eddie, I never get to see you anymore. One of us is either working, or studying, or seeing a friend, or in a class, or working…," my eyes stung with tears now, "…It's been too long. I can't even remember the last time I just sat with you and talked to you. Every time I see you we're either studying or we're too tired to talk. This isn't a relationship anymore…" _

_"__It's not my fault you chose to take a job which works all the hours a week you're not in class. And you took it when we were trying to fix things." He accused, narrowing his eyes slightly. _

_"__Oh yeah? And it's not my fault you wanted to live in a student house with a huge bedroom and a huge rent – we didn't have to live here! We could've lived in the dorms like any normal first year students…"  
"What, so now it's my fault for wanting to live with you? That's the whole reason I wanted this place." He was nearly yelling now.  
"No, you wanted this place because it's big. You're not used to small stuff, are you, Eddie?."  
"What's that supposed to mean? Stop jumping to conclusions, Patricia. You have no idea."_

_I sighed then, and ran my hands through my hair. "Eddie…" _

_These arguments were getting empty. We'd run out of things to argue about, and yet we still found a way to get mad with each other and start yelling. I was tired of being up this late and fighting like this; we were both tired of trying and trying but never getting anywhere. It was always one step forward and two steps back…_

Present time

I flashed back in to reality at my desk and put my head in my hands for a brief moment. The memories always came in flashbacks; sometimes the good memories, sometimes the bad. But every memory that came back – good or bad – still hurt. I hated how, even over 18 months on, Edison Miller still made me crumble. He still made me feel things; he still made me weak.

I should've moved on.

I shouldn't have been there at my desk, 21 years old, thinking about him. Because I knew he wasn't thinking of me. I knew he'd be out there finding everything he'd been looking for all his life; I knew he'd be making a perfect life for himself. Without me.

I think, maybe, a part of me wanted to stay right where I was and not move on, because maybe he wouldn't find what he was looking for. Maybe he'd come back and say "okay". Maybe he'd come back and want to try this again.

I knew he wouldn't.

And I knew he wasn't thinking of me.

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**Hey guys! I'm El, and I'm totally new to this site so please forgive me for how I probably uploaded this wrong. Lol. But anyway, I hope you liked the chapter. Sorry it's a little short and probably not all that good, but hey ho! Review please? :) Hope you liked it. In chapter two we hear from Eddie! :) **

**Love :* xxx**


	2. Stupidly, Helplessly

**Disclaimer: House of Anubis and any of the characters do not belong to me.**

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**Eddie**

'Eddie, pass me the labels. You're doing it wrong.'

The lights in the store room were harsh and bright, and they made everyone in here look white. Like they were all suffering some kind of flu or something.

My manager turned to me and held his hand out, waiting for me to pass him the roll of price labels. When I gave them to him, he just took them and rolled his eyes as he walked away, shaking his head.

I looked around the huge supply building I was in and shook my head very slightly. This isn't where I'd planned to be; this isn't where I'd wanted to end up. I thought that, by the time I was twenty-one, I'd be living in a house with my dream job and dream girl. That we'd be living happily ever after.

I pulled my phone out from my pocket and unlocked it. No messages. Surprise, surprise. No one bothered to text me nowadays.

Once my shift was over, I walked back to my flat, my scarf pulled up right over my mouth. It was freezing; maybe even in the negative numbers. February 14th, 10pm, Friday night, and I was alone. On the streets, walking back to my cheap apartment, alone. Again—not how I'd planned it would be.

When I pulled out my keys, I saw the key to my old student house from back in university. I thought about how it was quite big and so much better than the place I lived in now, and I thought about the people I shared it with. This, once again, led me to think about the best person I'd shared it with (it happened every night). The person who could build me up and tear me apart all at once. The person I still thought about – stupidly, helplessly – even over 18 months on.

18 months earlier 

_She looked so sad right in that moment, standing in the corner of our living room, her arms hanging limply at her sides. Her eyeliner was slightly smudged after a long day at classes and work, and I didn't want to be standing there doing this at midnight. I wanted to be upstairs, sleeping with her next to me, knowing she was resting and feeling okay. _

_I didn't want to feel like this at midnight. I didn't want to feel like it was all over._

_"__Because it's hurting me," she said, her voice slightly raised. "Does it not hurt you? – To see us falling apart like this?" _

_Of course it hurt me. Of course. Nothing was hurting me more than this; but I was trying so hard. And sometimes I felt like she wasn't trying. _

_She'd started saying to me how we never saw each other anymore because of work or classes, and by instinct, I tried to defend myself. _

'Stupid, Eddie…'_ I think to myself now when I look back. _'Stupid, stupid, stupid…'

_"…__It's not my fault you chose to take a job which works all the hours a week you're not in class. And you took it when we were trying to fix things" I said, slightly sharply, narrowing my eyes a little. _

_"__Oh yeah? And it's not my fault you wanted to live in a student house with a huge bedroom and a huge rent – we didn't have to live here! We could've lived in the dorms like any normal first year students…"  
"What, so now it's my fault for wanting to live with you? That's the whole reason I wanted this place." I was nearly yelling now. I couldn't hold back, and I felt so out of control. As soon as I started yelling, I saw the hurt in her eyes and she covered it with a glare. I knew her well enough now to see when she was actually hurt and not just in a bad mood.  
"No, you wanted this place because it's big. You're not used to small stuff, are you, Eddie?"  
"What's that supposed to mean? Stop jumping to conclusions, Patricia. You have no idea."_

_She sighed then, running her hands through her wavy, midnight-messy hair. "Eddie…" _

_My heart plummeted in to my stomach when I realised what was coming. I didn't want to hear it, but I knew it. I'd known it months ago, as soon as I'd realised that we argued more than we kissed. More than we talked and laughed together. _

_But both of us knew now. _

_We'd run this in to the ground; we'd been trying so hard for so long to juggle everything and keep our relationship above water. We'd been trying for almost a year since Anubis House to try and hold it together and pretend everything would be alright; that everything _was_ alright. But it wasn't. When we realised things were changing, we tried so hard. But it didn't work._

_And we both knew. _

_"__I know what you're going to say," I said, stepping closer again. She was a foot away now. "And I don't want to hear you say it… but…"  
"…But we both know it's what we have to do now." _

_I nodded slowly, reaching out and taking her hand. She looked up at me, and I saw tears in her eyes. _

_"__I'm sorry, Eddie…" _

_"__I'm sorry too. I guess I messed this all up big time now…"  
"No," she said, taking my other hand. "We both messed it up. And it sucks, and it's killing me." _

_"__Don't say that." _

_"__But it's true." _

_"__It's killing me, too…" _

_"__I'm sorry." She was whispering now, and my forehead wrinkled when I saw how glassy her eyes were. How hard she was trying to keep the tears in. _

_Instead of saying anything else, I'd leaned forward and wrapped her in my arms. I remember knowing how much I was losing right in that moment, and knowing that things would never be the same. _

Present time

I fumbled with the keys between my freezing fingers and managed to get it in the lock. As I walked in I saw the old, rugged sofa sitting in front of me and sighed.

I hated how, even one year on, Patricia Williamson still drove me crazy. She still lit up my heart when I thought of her, and tore me apart at the same time.

I hated how I still thought of her.

I should've moved on.

I shouldn't have been there, in my crappy living room, 21 years old, thinking of her like this. Because I knew she wasn't thinking of me.

**Patricia**

'Who left their iPod on the counter in the toilets?' My colleague, Lily, asked, holding up a red iPod touch as she came in to the staff lounge. It was the end of the day and everyone was getting ready to leave.  
'That's mine,' I said, standing up and taking it off her. 'Thanks. Didn't realise I'd left it behind.'  
'No problem.'

My boss came in to the room a few minutes later wearing a pink pencil skirt, a white top and some nude heels. She suited her job – glamorous and purposeful. Pretty much the opposite of me.

'This month's issue goes out tomorrow morning, everyone, so fingers crossed for good numbers,' Amanda announced, clapping her hands before she spoke to get everyone's attention. I tried to look like I cared about the magazine's sales. 'We need good numbers this issue and next issue to ensure our next year's releases. Good work today. See you tomorrow.'

Amanda flashed me a smile before walking away, and I smiled back. I always acted like I cared about the magazine and how well it was doing – I always pretended I was interested – but this wasn't where I wanted to be for the rest of my life. I didn't really know _what_ I wanted to do, but it wasn't this. This didn't make me happy.

It was fine for _now_, but what about the future? Long-term?

When I got home, I put my keys on the hook by the door, turned on the heating and the lights and slumped on to the window seat that looked out over the town's twinkling lights. The flat was freezing, so I kept my coat and boots on until the heating kicked in.

I grabbed my laptop and scrolled through Facebook. Joy and Jerome, now engaged, were on a road trip around Europe, and I smiled looking at their photos. They'd taken a lot of selfies. _A lot_.  
Tonight I saw that they were in Paris, and there was a photo of them standing in front of the Eiffel Tower. It was taken at night, so the lights were twinkling behind them and they looked so happy.

Paris. The City of Love.

Eddie was never one for big romantic gestures, but he'd always said he wanted to take me to Paris. _Because everyone loves Paris_, he'd said to me one day when we were sitting in our lounge back in the student house. _It's the City of Love… and, you know… I love you. _

I smiled at the memory but then felt tears prick my eyes. I seemed to be thinking about Eddie a lot more than usual today, and when I remembered the date I realised why. Valentine's Day.  
It was our second Valentine's Day apart; last year I'd been with Joy, and we'd watched movies together all night long before we fell asleep on the couch.

But this year I was alone. Joy was in Paris with her boyfriend, and all my other friends were busy. My sister was probably working somewhere and I knew my parents wouldn't be particularly bothered if I called them.  
I wondered what he was doing tonight. I wondered if he was alone, or if he was with someone. A friend… maybe even a girlfriend. The thought made my heart hurt. It actually hurt.

Trying to distract my stupid, hopeless mind from wandering back to Eddie, I gazed out the window once more. The street below was empty for a moment until two people came strolling past on the street opposite my window. They looked about my age, and they were holding hands. Was the universe just trying to rub it in today?  
A few years ago, I'd given my friends permission to slap me if I ever got crazy over a boy. If I ever sat there wondering if they were thinking of me, or wondering what they were doing. I swore I'd never go all sappy; I swore I'd never go crazy over a boy. _He's just a boy_, I reminded myself, trying so hard to convince myself that he was, in fact, _just _a boy.  
But now I was alone – no friends to slap me – and wondering how I managed to let someone in so far that he drove me this crazy. How he even managed to do it, even now, more than a year and a half later.

January 2014

_I couldn't help smiling at Eddie as I watched him lying there on his back in bed, fast asleep, the morning sunlight streaming through the window. The sheets were messed up and barely on top of him, but he didn't seem to mind. Even though he'd annoyed me so much last night, and we'd fallen asleep at complete opposite sides of the bed, he was still Eddie. He was still Eddie, and I still loved him. A lot.  
Even though things had been different lately, and things had been tough, I still cared; and I still wanted to be with him. I'd always want to be with him. _

_I brushed my hair, straightened it where it had gone wonky overnight, and put my dressing gown on. When I turned around, Eddie was awake – groggy, but awake – and smiling at me.  
"__I love you." He'd said simply. I frowned at him suspiciously, wondering why he'd said that.  
"__I love you too.… Now what do you want?"  
"What? So I can't tell my girlfriend I love her?" _

_Smirking, I walked over and crawled on to the bed. "You can," I said as I sat down on my side. "But most of the time when you do that, it means you want something. And after last night's words…"  
"Don't," he cut me off. "I don't want to remember last night. Or the words we said."  
"__Me neither."  
_

_He pulled me in to him, put his arm around me and I rested my head on his bare chest. He was warm. Really warm.  
He leaned down and kissed my head, and I smiled softly to myself.  
"__Sorry." He mumbled, barely audible. He never was very good at apologies.  
"__It's okay," I said, "I'm sorry too." _

_And we spent the rest of the morning curled up like that in bed together. It was only our second semester of university, and we'd only fought a few times. Every time we fought, it was almost always at night, and we'd almost always forget it by morning. Then we'd spend the morning like this (if we didn't have classes), curled up in each other, just to remind ourselves that everything was okay and that we were still there. We were still together, and we were okay. For now at least._

Present time

And after sitting there on the window seat for a while, drowning myself in my own thoughts, I decided to take a shower and go to bed. Maybe have a drink. Yes, a drink would be nice. Maybe it would take the sting out of all of this; maybe it would make me feel less stupid for still thinking of him even eighteen months later. A _year and a half_ later.

I had two glasses of wine before sitting in bed and watching a movie on my laptop. I ate popcorn, drank another glass of wine, and before I knew it it was 11pm. The sting of it all was gone now, and I felt a little more at peace. A little.

Once the clock struck 11.30, I turned my laptop off and went under the covers after turning the light out. I lay there with my eyes open for a while, still thinking things over too much, and eventually fell asleep. Alone. On a cold, wet Valentines Day.

I fell asleep just like I'd fallen down to the ground. I'd fallen down to the ground for a boy who didn't even want to know me anymore.

I knew I had to get over him now.

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**Hey guys! Hope you liked the second chapter. Should I apologise for the fact it's so long or is that a good thing!? Hope I didn't drag on too much. Please review and tell me, honestly, what you think. Hope it's not too sad and moany! Let me know what you think. **

**Love :* xxx**


	3. Down To The Ground

**So this part is really short, I'm sorry!  
Disclaimer: I do not own House of Anubis or any of the characters related to it.**

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**Eddie**

12am and I was still in my crappy flat, sitting on the floor and leaning on the sofa, my legs stretched out in front of me. I had a can of beer in my hand and three empty cans next to me. A movie was playing on the TV in front of me, but I wasn't focusing on it. The sounds and the words weren't even going in anymore; all I could think about was how things had fallen apart. How different things were now.

The beer hadn't softened the pain at all. It had only made it worse. It only made me realise how messed up my life was; it only opened my eyes to the reality.

I was working at a stupid supermarket as a supply person, living in an awful flat on the worst side of town, and living alone.  
My dad was still back at school, and I knew he wouldn't mind if I called him and told him how bad things were… but I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to admit how much things had fallen apart since she left.

I had to see her. I had to hear her voice, somehow, just to let myself know she was OK…

No. I couldn't call her. For so many reasons, I couldn't call her.  
She'd probably be out partying right now with her shiny new boyfriend and her wonderful friends. I wanted to call but I knew she'd be busy with her fancy new job, and I knew that Valentine's Day wouldn't affect her like it was making me feel now. It wouldn't make her feel as empty; as cold.  
I was alone, and I was lonely.  
But I couldn't call her. I'd never live it down.  
_ I've got a rep to maintain,_ 17 year old me said in my head.  
I laughed at myself – 17 year old Eddie was so naïve – and shook my head.

I wondered if, maybe if I called her, she'd say "okay". Maybe she'd want to see me, and maybe she'd want to try again. Maybe, just maybe, she'd be thinking of me too and would want to touch my face and say "let's give this another shot".

I knew she wouldn't.

Fall 2013

_"__I think that's the last of the stuff," I said, looking around our new room. "I didn't realise we had so much."  
"__You practically packed your whole house." Patricia commented as she walked in.  
I grinned at her. "Says you. You don't exactly pack light, do you, Yacker?"  
"__Neither do you, doofus. I didn't even realise you had so many clothes." _

_I smiled at her. She was half-scowling at me, her arms folded over her chest, but I knew she was truly smiling underneath. She was happy to be here, even though we had so much stuff. _I_ was happy to be here.  
Just looking at her reminded me of the whole reason we'd come here; the whole reason we'd followed each other and gone to the same place. Neither of us had been sure of anything—we didn't know what we wanted to do, where we wanted to do it, or how we were going to do it. The only thing we were sure of was each other.  
So now here we were, together, in a student house. We just wanted to be together, and that's what we were going to do._

_"__Hey, Yacker," I'd said as we were unpacking our stuff. I was standing by the wardrobe, unpacking my clothes, and she was over by the bed. She looked up at me. I held up one of her boots. "You only packed one of these boots."  
"What?"  
"Yeah," I chuckled. "Although I think you packed enough shoes to give you one pair per day for a year, so I think you'll be okay."  
"I like shoes. You knew that when you agreed to move in with me."_

_As she walked past me to put something away, I put my arm out to stop her. She frowned at me and I pulled her closer.  
"What are you doing, weasel?"  
"What does it look like?" I smirked.  
She raised her eyebrows. "It looks like you're being annoying and stopping me from doing something useful."  
Raising an eyebrow, I grabbed her hand and threw the jacket she'd had in her hand on to the bed behind her. As I looked at her, her frown softened in to a small smile, and I held her hand. I kissed her then, and it was like everything was right. A part of me just knew I was in the right place and with the right person. And when I felt her kiss me back, I smiled. I kept kissing her, and kissing her, and kissing her. _

_The unpacking took mysteriously longer than expected._

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**_Hey guys! I'm totally sorry that this part is short and kind of miserable. The whole story has been kind of whiny so far but it'll get better. If we wanna get to the real Peddie stuff, we gotta get this in there too. Important stuff. ;) Let me know what you think and review please, guys! I'm not sure about the "flashbacks" - do you like them? I've included/written some more for the next chapters and I think you'll like them. Thank you so much for reading. _**

**_Love:* xxx_**


	4. Joyful

**Disclaimer: I do not own House of Anubis or any characters related to it.**

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**Patricia**

My phone rang, a week and a half after Valentine's Day, disturbing me from watching Lie To Me reruns.

I looked at the caller ID, saw Joy's name and grinned widely before answering it.  
'Joy!' I grinned.  
'Patricia!'  
'How are you? How was your road trip?'  
'It was amazing! We had so much fun. Did you see our Paris photos?'  
'Yeah,' I said, looking down at my lap. I kept the smile on my face. 'It looked amazing.'  
'It was! It was so romantic. We had such a good time.'  
'That's great.' I smiled half-heartedly. I was so happy she'd had a good time, but thinking of the photos I'd seen reminded me of Valentine's Day.  
'Are… you OK?'  
'Yeah, I'm fine.'  
'Are you sure?'  
'Yeah. So, are you home now?'  
'Yep. And I have a surprise for you.'  
'Really? What is it?'  
'Are you home?'  
I frowned. 'Yeah… why?'  
'Open your door.'  
'Why?'  
'Just do it!'

Cautious and very confused, I stood up and walked over to the front door. Looking out of the peephole, I saw a familiar figure standing there, a huge smile on her face. I gasped and grinned, hanging up my phone in an instant before opening the door.

'Joy! You're… you're here!'  
She smiled at me. 'I'm here!' And she leaned in to hug me.  
'I can't believe you're here!' I hugged her so tight that I think she may have stopped breathing for a moment. I'd been lonely these past few weeks while she'd been away, because I couldn't text her or call her if she was in a different country. She was the only person I felt comfortable to confide in.  
'I'm so glad to see you,' she said, pulling away and walking in to my living room. 'Can I grab a drink?' She was already walking in to the kitchen.  
'Yeah. You know where things are.'

As Joy made us both a cup of tea, I sat on the worktop and she told me all about Paris, Venice, Rome, Calais… all of the places they'd been to. It was crazy how many places they'd seen.  
'And when we were in Germany, we had these absolutely huge glasses of beer. They were ridiculously large and I only had, like, three sips before I decided it was disgusting.'  
'Did Jerome like it?'  
'Oh, he loved it. He nearly went back for a second one but I reminded him we had to drive back to Calais the next day and I didn't want to do all the driving,' she laughed. 'But seriously I really, really hate beer.'  
'Me too.'  
'I thought you liked it? Or was that Eddie?'  
I paused for a moment. '…No, that was Eddie.'

My best friend finished making the tea and handed me my mug before walking back in to the living room. We sat at opposite ends of the white sofa so we could see each other, our legs tucked up and a blanket being shared between us.

'So how have things been your end?' Joy asked before sipping her tea.

I shrugged. 'Okay. No different than when I last saw you.'  
'How's work?'  
'Good.'  
'And how's your sister?'  
'Good.'  
'Patricia,' she frowned at me over her mug. 'Why are you being so vague? You're not telling me anything…'  
'I'm not being vague. Nothing new has happened… so there's literally nothing to tell.'

She looked at me as if she knew that was a lie and raised an eyebrow.

'What!?' I asked, laughing a little.  
'I've known you for a long time, Patricia,' she said, 'I know when there's something on your mind.'  
'Then you should also know that I don't like talking about what's on my mind.'  
'Yes, but I also know that it helps you.'  
I sighed and fiddled with the blanket between my fingers. My nails were black and kind of chipped, and I noticed that I'd been biting my nails.  
'So come on… spill it. What's up?' She bumped my knee with hers and held her mug between both hands, blowing on the tea inside it.  
'It's stupid…'  
'Is it Eddie?'  
I glanced up at her. 'How did you know that?' And then looked back down again, resting my head on the side of the sofa.  
'I know your Eddie Face.'  
'My what?'  
She laughed, 'I can tell when it's something to do with him. You get this look in your eyes; five years of Eddie Miller and it's impossible to mistake the look for anything else. It's undeniable.'  
I shook my head and smiled reluctantly. 'You're good, Joy Mercer. Very good.'  
She shrugged, grinning at me. 'It's a gift.'

I told her everything.

And it was never easy for me to say how I was feeling – especially when it was all these mushy feelings that I wasn't used to – but Joy had been my best friend since forever, so I knew I could trust her and I knew she wouldn't judge me.

I told her how, every night (and occasionally in the day), I flashed back to certain times in the past when we were together, or when we were arguing.

January 2014 

**Patricia**

_"Don't lose my number, OK?" Emily, my friend who had had one too many drinks at a party, said as she stumbled over my doorstep._

_"Emily, it's been on my phone for months." I put the key in the lock. _

_"Oh," she frowned. "Of course! Silly me!" _

_Chuckling, I turned to her and held the tops of her arms. I looked over to my other friend, Nick, who just shook his head and smiled at her. _

_"Look, I have to go now but Nick will take you back home. OK?"_

_"But Patricia! I want to go out with you tonight!"  
"We've already been out," I said as Nick pulled her back and held her upright. "But I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" _

_"Okay!" _

_As I turned the key in the lock, laughing, I shook my head. _

_We'd been out at one of her friend's parties and, whilst I'd only had one drink, Emily had about five. She got a little over enthusiastic. _

_I tried to walk in quietly through the living room and kitchen to grab a drink, knowing my housemates would be asleep, but when I walked in to the living room, the light was on in the corner. And when my eyes focused, I saw a familiar figure sitting on the sofa, his elbows resting on his knees and his head hanging down. _

_"Eddie?" I questioned, walking slowly towards him. The light in the room was so dim that only one side of his face was lit up. He didn't speak. "Is… everything OK?"  
_

_"It's midnight, Patricia," he said, shaking his head. "Midnight."  
_

_"Thank you, Captain Obvious," I laughed, but when he didn't laugh back, my smile faded. Something was wrong. "What's up?"_

_"You've been gone for over six hours. I haven't seen you all day."_

_"So? You don't need to see me every hour of every day, do you?"_

_"I'm serious, Patricia. In fact, I don't think I've seen you all week."_

_Knowing he was partially right, I put my bag down and sat tentatively next to him on the couch. I was just perched on the edge.  
_

_"OK," I sighed. "Maybe you're right. I've been gone too long today… I'm… sorry."  
"It's not just today," he said, shaking his head again. He still wasn't looking at me. "It's been weeks. You're hanging out with all your new best friends; hanging out at work, class, and even the park. And yet you never let me know where you are, or when you'll have time for me. I feel like you don't need me anymore."  
_

_"What? That's crazy, doofus. I still love you." I tried to look at him but he wouldn't look back. He was staring at the floor. In the dim light, his face looked pale and I noticed that he looked tired, as if he hadn't slept in days.  
"I still love you too, but it's like the balance has tipped."  
"What balance? When has there ever been balance in our relationship?"  
_

_For the last time he shook his head before exploding. He stood up quickly and turned to face me, his hands in his hair and his eyes wide.  
His voice rose, "This isn't even a relationship anymore, Patricia!"  
I stared at him, half in shock and half in confusion, and frowned.  
"I never get to see you!" he shouted. "You have all these shiny new friends with fancy cars and fancy houses, and you spend all your time with them. You won't even let me meet them! I never see you anymore. Patricia, you're my girlfriend, and I wanted to move in with you so I could see you every morning when I woke up, every night before I fall asleep and all of the moments between. But even then, one of us is out before the other wakes up, and I'm always asleep before you get home. I feel like you don't care anymore."  
"That's crazy, Eddie. Of course I care." _

_His voice became a bit quieter now and he looked down at the ground below him. He was wearing grey sweatpants and a black T-shirt, his hair tousled messily on top of his head.  
"Maybe you could actually show that you care once in a while instead of just saying it every now and again."  
I blinked. And stared. And then frowned. "Oh, so it's all my fault now? Seriously, Eddie—I'm not the only one who's messing up here!"  
"And what have I done wrong?"  
"Maybe if you didn't spend so much time working or being up in our room asleep, then you'd get to see me more!" I stood up now, too, and stood right in front of him. "You don't make any effort. Maybe that's why we're not close anymore."  
He glared at me. "Oh, whatever, Yacker. This is all down to you and you know it."  
"What?" I questioned in disbelief. "All _my_ fault?"  
"Yes. That's what I said."  
I scoffed and shook my head, kicking over his empty mug with my foot. It fell to the floor with a thud. "You're a weasel, you know that, right?" And without giving him chance to reply, I stormed off upstairs. As much as I'd hate to admit it, tears were rising in my eyes as I ran to our room. Everything was falling apart._

_Halfway down the hallway, a door opened on my left and our roommate, Daisy, stuck her sleepy head out slowly.  
"Is everything OK? Should I be worried?" She asked quietly.  
I didn't say anything. I knew tears were about to fall, so I quickly shook my head and ran to our room, slamming the door once I was in. _

_I lay in bed for half an hour, waiting for Eddie to come up and apologise, but he didn't. I cried for a while, feeling my pillow getting wet, and felt so stupid right in that moment.  
So stupid that I'd walked in when I did. So stupid that I'd let him shout at me, and that I'd started shouting back. So stupid that I let him blame it all on me when we both knew it was all falling apart out of our control. I felt so stupid that we hadn't seen each other properly in weeks; and so stupid that we'd let it get this far.  
I knew he was right. I'd messed up – I'd been too busy for him – but he'd messed up too. _

_We'd both messed up._

_But still I knew that we had some fight left in us, and we didn't see ourselves ending this way. It was a difficult patch we were going through, but we could get through it. We weren't stupid; we knew we had to hold on for the love we had. We had some fight left. _

_The words we said downstairs were still loud in my head, but I knew we didn't mean them. He'd been angry, taking it out on me; and I'd been tired and cranky, using my mean face on him. But that was OK. We had some fight left. I knew we did._

_And when Eddie crawled in to bed an hour later, kissing my cheek quickly before falling asleep on the other side of the bed with our backs to each other, I heard him sniff and move to wipe tears off his face. And without either of us saying anything, I knew that we were going to give this everything we had. We weren't going to let it go that easily. _

_I couldn't help smiling at Eddie as I watched him lying there the next morning on his back in bed, fast asleep, the morning sunlight streaming through the window. The sheets were messed up and barely on top of him, but he didn't seem to mind. Even though he'd annoyed me so much last night, and we'd fallen asleep at complete opposite sides of the bed, he was still Eddie. He was still Eddie, and I still loved him. A lot. _

Present time

I didn't tell her the specifics of the flashbacks, but I told her that they happened. And I told her how I felt so stupid – so crazy – that I was still not over him even though it was a long time ago. I felt like an idiot. And as much as my best friend was trying to convince me that I wasn't an idiot, I knew that I was.

A big one.

'Well, you'll see him at the wedding, so maybe—'

'What!?' I cut her off. '_Joy_! Why is he going to be at your wedding!?'

'Patricia, I couldn't exactly _not_ invite him… he's my friend! What did you expect me to do?'

I sighed (Joy said it was an "Eddie Sigh") and rolled my eyes. 'Great. Just great.'

'You didn't seriously expect me to not invite him, did you?'

I shrugged. 'I hadn't really thought about it.'

'Well… he's going to be there. I can't believe the wedding's only a month away…. Anyway, have you seen your dress yet? We ordered it last week.'

'Show me.' I smiled, feeling sort of enthusiastic. I liked dresses now; more than I used to. But I hadn't worn pink since _that_ dress.

Joy showed me the dress, and I loved it. It was a dark red colour and it would come down to just above my knees. I already had my shoes – they were black high heels with a lace up over the top of my foot.

Even though Eddie was going to the wedding, and I knew my heart would be in my stomach the whole day, I was excited. I was excited to see my best friend married – to see how happy she'd be – and also excited to see our old friends from school.

It'd be good.

I hoped.

* * *

**Hi guys! **

**Seriously, waking up to a bunch of reviews from you guys this morning made me so happy you have no idea. Thank you for your lovely words! Unfortunately I can't reply to the people reviewing as guests, but I appreciate your reviews all the same! Please let me know what you think of this chapter. It's really long - I'm making up for the last chapter being short! Thank you _so_ much for reading, I love you guys. I love being able to share my Peddie feels with you all. **

**Next chapter should hopefully be up tomorrow night (UK time) :) **

**Until next time.  
Love :* xxx**

**PS. see what I did there with the title? Pun intended. :p  
**


	5. Speak Now

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis or any of the characters related to it.

* * *

**Patricia**

'Thank you for not making me wear pink.'

My best friend laughed, trying not to move her head as the person behind her put some pins in to her hair. 'You're welcome. I didn't want pink anyway.'

'I'm glad.… This is a nice colour.'

Joy looked at herself in the mirror and her face hardened for a moment. She stared at the reflection. I watched her hands clench in her laps.

'How are you feeling?' I asked.

Taking a deep breath, she glanced over at me. 'Nervous.'

'Nervous but excited?'

'Yeah. But mainly nervous.' She laughed, but it was an anxious laugh. I reached over and held her hand for a moment.

'I'm sure Jerome is more nervous than you.'

'Yeah…,' she said distantly. 'Probably.'

As I looked at her, I smiled softly, because I knew she was excited. I knew this was what she'd been waiting for her whole life; I knew she was happy. And even though she was nervous now, I knew she'd be the happiest person in the world when she walked down that aisle.

An hour later, both of our makeup and hair was done, and we stood in front of the mirror, our arms linked together.

'You look gorgeous.' I said, squeezing her arm.

'So do you.'

I looked at my reflection and smiled. The dress was a deep red colour (almost a burgundy), and it was knee length chiffon with a halterneck that went up from the middle of my chest to around my neck. My shoes were the black lace-ups I told Joy about, and I had my hair pulled up at the sides and wavy underneath, just like back in school. In my hair was a white flower headband, and I wore a small charm necklace with a sun and moon, and a silver bracelet. Joy had the same silver bracelet on her wrist, too. In my hands I held a small bunch of white and red roses.

Twenty one years old, and I was standing with my best friend who was about to get married. My best friend who was in love, moving on with her life, living the life she loved. She had her dream job, dream guy, and was living the dream; everything she'd ever wanted. It seemed like just two minutes ago that I was standing with her on our first day of school, back in the living room of Anubis House, ten years ago. Ten whole years ago.

We'd been through so much as friends.

There was a time I thought I'd lost her, and I'd never been so scared. There was a time when we just fought and fought, and Joy thought that I was being stolen away by the new girl.

But now here we were, still together like sisters. She'd been the one who had saved us so many times, and I was the one who'd saved her; there was so much to our story that others never knew. We'd been through so much in these ten years.

And as much as I was happy for her – the fact she was finding her new life, and the fact she'd found happiness in Jerome – I couldn't help but feel sad. She was getting married—and once she was married, that was it. She would be making her own family, living her own life, and I didn't have anyone around me. I didn't have a new life. I didn't even know what I wanted or what would make me happy.

'Hey,' my best friend said softly, breaking me out of my thoughts. 'You OK?'

I looked at her in the reflection of the mirror and smiled. 'Yeah, I'm fine.'

'Sure?'

'Yeah,' I squeezed her arm again, 'just emotional.'

'Oh, me too. I'm pretty sure Jerome's going to cry.'

'Can I video it?'

She laughed and leaned her head on my shoulder for a moment before turning away from the mirror.

'Ready to do this?' I asked, looking my best friend all over. She looked gorgeous, and I knew she was happy. Happier than I'd ever seen her.

She nodded. 'Are you?'

I nodded too, and Joy's dad knocked on the door. His head came around and he smiled at his daughter.

'We're ready.' Joy and I said at the same time.

As we approached the entrance to the church, my heart was beating out of my chest. I was nervous for Joy, for myself, for Jerome. I was nervous for standing in front of all those people and walking down the aisle just before Joy, all eyes on me. One pair of eyes in particular made me even more nervous.

'Eddie's in the front row with the rest of the Anubis guys. Just a heads up.' Joy whispered, leaning over to me as if she could read my mind.

I managed to stammer out a "thanks" and the bridesmaid music started. Nervously, I stepped in to the church, the white and red bunch of flowers clasped between both of my shaking hands. My heart was pounding; I could barely look up from the floor as everyone's heads turned around. Jerome was up front with Alfie behind him, and they were both wearing black suits with red shirts underneath.

Slowly, I walked down the aisle and spotted my family to my right. Piper and my mum waved at me, and I just flashed them a quick smile.

By the time I was three quarters of the way down the aisle, I could see the Anubis gang in my peripheral vision on my right. I looked up to see Mara, Mick, Fabian, even Amber, and KT (Nina couldn't make it – college held her up). And sitting next to KT was a boy – a man now, really – with brown hair slightly tousled on his head, brown eyes and a beautiful face. I'd hoped he wouldn't be looking at me, but he was, and our eyes locked for one extremely awkward but also extremely wonderful moment. He let out a small smile, and I had to look away.

I stood behind Joy and watched as they exchanged vows, and then exchanged rings. It was beautiful and all very romantic, and if I'd been a usual girl I would've been crying my eyes out. Even at twenty one years old, I still wasn't good at the sappy stuff; the happy tears thing.

I think, in all my life, the person who had made me cry the most had been Eddie. The guy who was sitting just a few feet away from me as I stood there. The guy who was supposed to be looking at the bride and groom, but instead, was looking at me. The whole time.

Before I knew it, the exit music was being played and it was my cue to leave the church before the bride and groom. Everyone stood up and clapped as they walked away, arm in arm, and I kept looking at the ground until I was out in the registry room.

He was here. Edison Miller was _here_, right within my reach, and I didn't know what to do. For some weird reason I was scared of seeing him. I was terrified that he wouldn't want to speak to me, or that he'd let it slip in conversation that he had a new girlfriend and his life was perfect. Or maybe I was terrified that _I _would let it slip how unhappy I was; how I had no idea where I was going with my life. I wanted to stand my ground – to keep acting like The Strong One – but I couldn't, and I felt weak. I didn't feel like myself.

Twenty one years old, at my best friend's wedding – the best day of her life – and all I could think about was _him_.

* * *

**Hey my awesome readers! Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews. Sorry I haven't updated in a few days... and sorry this part is so short! Hope you like it though. It made me really sad and happy at the same time writing this scene, because Joy is _married_! :') Aaaaanyway, thank you for reading, please review and let me know what you think. Also let me know what you think is going to/should happen! :) **

**Oh, also, thank you for the few reviews so far on my first one-shot! It's on my profile and it's saved under the story "Everything We Are" which will be slowly filled up with random one-shots :) Also have another one shot series in the pipelines. Thanks for reading and reviewing guys, it really inspires me to write! **

**Love :* xxx**


	6. Photos

**Patricia**

At weddings, why is that everyone insists on taking so many photos? Literally thousands of photos were taken on Joy's wedding day, and I sort of get it, but why with _me _in it? I had to stand there, smiling like a ninny at the camera with a bunch of flowers in my hands, when I knew people were staring at us over the photographer's shoulder.

Eddie wouldn't stop staring, either. He was trying to make it subtle but he wasn't very good at it.

'Just one more photo, I promise!' Joy smiled at me, practically dragging me over to the crowd of people waiting to have their photo taken.

'My cheeks hurt. I think they're going numb, actually.'

'Stop complaining,' she said, still smiling. 'This is the happiest day of my life, remember?'

Rolling my eyes and smiling at her, I followed; half willingly and half unwillingly. I just wanted to make her happy. She'd never have a day like this again, after all.

After way more than "just one more photo" being taken, I finally gave my cheeks a break and let my face fall. My muscles weren't used to smiling that much.

The wedding guests started filtering in to their cars as Joy and Jerome's close family and friends gathered together. An old fashioned red bus was taking them – us – to the wedding reception. The bus had ribbon around it and balloons on the inside, and all of the kids there were so excited. People on the street around the church were taking photos of the bus and out of habit I smiled, then realised how stupid I must have looked, just standing there smiling at absolutely nothing like an idiot. I was literally crazy in the head after all that smiling.

'Cheer up, buttercup.' A voice from behind me said. I turned around and grinned when I saw a familiar dark-haired boy smiling at me. He smiled too.

'Fabian!' I grinned, leaning forward to hug him quickly. I had a glass of water in my hand so it was only a one-armed hug.

We were standing in the hall where the wedding reception was, and the band was just about to start playing on the stage.

'Are you OK? You were staring at the ground.'

'Oh yeah, I'm fine,' I said, shrugging. 'Just can't believe Joy and Jerome are _married_!'

'I know! It's crazy. Everything's gone so fast…. And I can't believe it's been nearly a year since I last saw you.'

'Me either.'

'So, how are things with—'

Fabian got cut off by Joy running up behind me and grabbing my arm.

'Photo with the band time!' She grinned, looking happier than ever. I turned to Fabian and smiled, shrugging, and he shrugged back.

More photos. More smiling.

After another ten or twenty photos being taken, I finally had time to grab some food from the buffet and sit down at the table.

Sitting at my table were of course Joy and Jerome, their parents, the best man, and me. Joy's parents spent a while asking me about my life now: where I worked, where I was living, how university was, if I was still with my boyfriend (_"What was his name again, deary? I can't quite put a finger on it… Eric, Elis, Edison…")_… All the usual questions from people who haven't seen you in a year or so. I just smiled and nodded and told them what they needed to know, all the time being totally aware of someone staring at me from behind. I wasn't sure who it was, and for a moment I thought it was Eddie until I turned around and saw it was someone with dark hair at the table behind me. He was talking to someone else when I turned around.

'Patricia,' Joy brought my attention back around to her, 'We've been here for nearly two hours now and you still haven't said hi to Eddie.'

I shrugged. 'I'm not sure if I want to.'

'We both know you want to.'

'Okay, scratch that then—I don't know if I _should_.'

'Why not? You guys agreed to still be friends, right?'

I laughed, but it wasn't a happy laugh. It was a laugh full of irony and coated with words that had sounded so much at the time but meant so little now. 'Yeah, well… that never happened.'

She frowned and turned her head slightly to the left in sympathy. 'I'm sorry things didn't turn out right between you two,' she said, 'but that doesn't mean you shouldn't say hi. You've said hi to everyone from Anubis house except him… don't you think he'll feel left out?'

'If he wanted to talk to me, he would.'

Quickly, she looked over in the direction of the bar. I followed her gaze to see Eddie standing up against it with a glass of beer in his hands.

'Go say hi. For me.' She tried to push me out of my seat, but I resisted.

'No.'

'_Please_?'

'Why are you dying for me to go and say hi?'

'Because you know how I feel about you two,' she grinned cheekily at me and I rolled my eyes. 'And because I know how you feel about him. Now go.'

Sighing in frustration and rolling my eyes, I stood up reluctantly.

'If I'm not back in five minutes and things look awkward, call me over for a photo.' I whispered before turning around.

'Did you just _ask_ for a photo to be taken?' She asked incredulously, grinning, and I just rolled my eyes.

I don't think I've ever walked so slowly and cautiously in all my life.  
What was happening to me? A few years ago I was confident and I spoke to anyone I liked, and I didn't speak to anyone I didn't want to speak to. I made my own decisions. I wasn't afraid of anyone, especially someone standing at a bar and looking down at the floor.  
But now I was walking up to someone uncomfortably familiar, hands shaking, stomach hurting so much as if it was being pulled out of my body.

I didn't know what to say now that I was nearly in front of him and he still hadn't looked up. A part of me hoped he wouldn't look up so I could just wimp out, buy a drink and walk on by; but he didn't stay looking down. He looked up when I was just a few feet away from him and I had to choke out a smile.

'Eddie,' I said awkwardly, giving a pathetic little wave with my hand. 'Hi.'

He smiled – a tiny smile – and nodded upwards with his chin. 'Hey…'

'Long time no see,' I said, trying with my smile to get the right balance between absolutely ecstatic he was standing in front of me and absolutely devastated that I couldn't reach out and touch him.

'Tell me about it.' He said, leaning on the bar with his elbow.

There was a long moment of awkward silence as I stood there, playing with the hem of my dress and shuffling my feet along the floor.

'I like your dress,' he broke the silence. 'And your hair.'

I stifled a grin and just smiled a little. 'The shoes are my favourite part.'

Eddie didn't bother to stifle his grin, 'You still love shoes just as much then, huh?'

'You didn't think I'd ever stop, did you?'

Laughing, he shook his head and smiled over his beer glass at me. His eyes were sparkling. 'No.'

As I was about to say something else, Joy ran up behind me and grabbed my arm.  
'Picture time!' She squealed.  
Just before I had to turn around and catch up to Joy's pace, I gave Eddie a look that suggested I didn't _want_ to be pulled away, and he shrugged sadly.

I yanked my arm away from Joy's grasp. 'We weren't having an awkward conversation!' I hissed quietly. 'You didn't have to pull me away!'

'I know. I actually do want a picture.'

'You're joking? – You're actually joking?'

She shook her head, continuing to pull me over to the table. We sat down at our places.

'Joy, I don't understand you… you say you want me to talk to Eddie then drag me away!' I smiled quickly for the camera and then turned to her once the photographer had gone away.  
'Relax, you can go back now.'  
'No, the moment's lost.'  
'What moment?'  
'The _moment_!'  
My best friend just rolled her eyes and sat back in her chair, smiling and shaking her head.

Another hour passed.

I didn't want to remember my best friend's wedding as being the day I spent staring at my ex boyfriend. I didn't want to remember it as me sitting there looking miserable on my best friend's happiest day; I didn't want to be sitting there in my party dress, wanting nothing more than Eddie to come and talk to me. To come and smile at me again, to laugh and to make a joke. I missed him. I'd missed him and his beautiful face for 18 months now and seeing him here all of a sudden just made it more painful; it made me miss him more. Time had softened the reality of it all.  
I wanted to go over and talk to him rather than wait for him to make the first move. I should've been over there talking to him and asking him how he was, but I just couldn't pluck up the courage. I just couldn't do it. It was like every single ounce of my being wanted to be over there but my feet wouldn't take me.

Just as I was about to go to the bathroom, I stood up and someone came and stood in front of me.  
Looking up, I realised it was the guy who had been staring at me a few hours before hand. It was 10pm now and I was feeling tired. He had dark brown hair – maybe it was black, I couldn't tell – and bright blue eyes. He was tall, but not as tall as Eddie.

'Hi, I'm Ryan.' He smiled, holding his hand out for me to shake.  
I shook it and smiled politely. 'Patricia.'

'I just came over here to ask if you wanted to go on a date sometime?'

'Umm… no offence but I don't know who you are, and for all I know you could be a psycho…'

He laughed and ran his hands through his hair. His smile was slightly crooked and he had dimples. 'I'm Jerome's friend from university. I'm not a psycho, don't worry. Just ask Jerome,' he smiled, and I smiled back. 'He told me that you two went to school together.'

'Yeah.'

'So… what d'you say?'

I frowned. 'To what?' And then I instantly felt stupid.

He smirked. 'The date…'

'Oh!' I laughed nervously. 'Well… why not. Yes, I'll go on a date with you.'

'Awesome! Can I have your number?'  
Nodding, I picked up a napkin and a pen and wrote my number down.

He grinned and took it from me. 'Great. I'll call you.'

* * *

**A/N: Hey my wonderful readers! Eddie and Patricia finally saw each other again! And now Patricia has a date. Hmmm. In the next chapter we find out a bit about how Eddie feels now he's seen Patricia again.  
**

**So I'm feeling kind of sad right now because I feel like the only one who still likes/watches/cares about House of Anubis. A lot of the HOA writers on here wrote, like, last year and have said goodbye to HOA so freely and easily which makes me sad. Doesn't that make you sad!? Because for me, the show will always mean something to me because it was such a huge part of my life when it was playing. And who doesn't love Peddie!? And the Osirian!? And everything about the show!? So yeah, just had to get that out right now. I hope there's still people out there who**** still**** love it just as much as I do! **

**Anyway, I'll stop sounding whiny now and get to the thanks! Thank you so much for your lovely reviews, and to the people who come on as guests to review - it's really great to have your reviews too, even though I can't reply directly to them. Keep them coming! I get so excited when I get reviews and follows/favourites. :) **

**So listen, I'm going away this next week coming up so won't be able to update as much. Hopefully I'll find wifi somewhere though! :)  
**

**Love :* xxx**


	7. Should've Held You There

**Disclaimer:** I do not own House of Anubis or any characters related to it.

* * *

**Patricia**

"Wait, Ryan James asked you on a date?" Joy asked over the phone two days after the wedding. She was packing for her honeymoon with Jerome, and somehow I'd failed to tell her on the actual wedding day that Jerome's friend has asked me on a date.

"Yeah…," I said, slumping on to my sofa, a bowl of cereal in hand. It was 4pm. "Maybe I should cancel. It was 10pm and I was really tired…"

"What?" She exclaimed. "No! Patricia, you can't cancel!"

"Why not?"

"Because it's a good thing, going on a date with someone new. It means you're moving on."

"Yeah, I see what you mean," I put a spoonful of cereal in my mouth. "But I don't know if I'm ready."

"Okay, Patricia, I don't mean to sound un-supportive, but it's been a long time now. Try moving on."

"I'm trying."

"Good. I'm proud of you. Can I call you back later after your date with Ryan? Jerome is panicking about packing."

Laughing, I nodded, even though she couldn't see me. "Sure."

"Can't wait to hear how it goes."

"Six hours and counting until he comes. Talk to you later. Bye!"

**Eddie**

Why didn't I talk to her?

Why didn't I go over after Joy had her photo and ask her how she'd been? – How her life was now?

Why was I such an idiot?

As she walked towards me, my stomach had flipped and I'd had to take a deep breath to try and conceal my smile. At first I didn't know if she was coming over to talk to me or just to get a drink; but when she'd said my name, I knew she wanted to speak to me. She'd come over and said hi… was I dreaming?  
When I'd seen her walk down that aisle before Joy, looking all gorgeous in that deep red colour with her hair so natural, she looked right through me. She didn't even smile, or wave, or do anything—she just looked away. And that killed me. I thought that meant that she'd moved on and she wasn't interested anymore.  
But then she'd walked over at the wedding reception, a tiny little smile on her face, and a little spring of hope arose inside of me. She wanted to talk to me. She _chose_ to come over and say hi.

It sounds like a simple thing, but, to me, it was everything. Just to hear her voice.

19 months earlier

_Patricia moved out two days after we broke up. She'd slept on a blow up mattress on our bedroom floor for two nights, and I spent those nights looking at her sleeping so calmly and peacefully, just wanting to go over and be next to her. Just wanting to hear her breathing softly, right next to me, in her sleep._

_When she hugged me just before she took her last box out the next morning, I tried to hold on for as long as possible, and I thought that I'd felt her do the same. She hugged the rest of our roommates, promised we'd all stay in touch, and then drove off with her boxes in the back of the car. _

_It'd all been so perfect when we moved in together. When we kissed for the first time in our new bedroom, I thought I knew that this was the right thing; I thought I knew that this would be forever. I thought I knew how this would all end up._

_But when she drove off down that road towards her new student apartment, not even looking back, I knew I'd lost something. That's all I knew. _

Present time

At the wedding reception, I should've talked to her again.

I should've held her there, given her a hug, and looked in to her eyes to try and see if she felt the same. To see if she'd missed me.  
I should've been over there with her, laughing and talking and saying I was sorry. Sorry for not staying in touch; sorry for trying to erase her from my brain. I wanted to tell her that trying to erase her didn't help; it just made her blurred inside my head – it spread her everywhere else. Like when you try and erase a pencil line but the eraser is useless and it just smudges it everywhere.

And instead of talking to her at the wedding, I stood so far behind her at the bar and stared at her as she walked away. I stared at the mess I'd made. Everything I'd screwed up.

**Patricia**

'You look… beautiful.' Ryan smiled as I opened the door. We were going to see a movie, so I didn't dress to formally – some grey jeans, a burgundy top and a leather jacket – and I smiled when I saw him standing there. He was wearing some black skinny jeans and a long-sleeved denim shirt.

'Thanks. You don't look so bad yourself.'  
'Thanks,' he grinned, and we walked down the stairs towards the street below. 'It's good to see you again.'  
'Yeah, when I'm not seriously exhausted and wearing a really posh bridesmaid's dress.'  
'I liked the bridesmaid's dress.' He complimented, opening the gate for me and leading me to his car. It was black and quite expensive-looking.  
'Thanks,' I climbed in to the passenger seat and looked around. Was he rich or something? Either that, or he had extremely rich parents. Possibly both.

When we got to the movies, we were early, so we sat for a while on the tables in the main lobby, drinking a cup of diet Coke each. He sat there and told me about himself: he was twenty-three, and he was in a band (guitar player). His favourite colour was dark blue and his hair was naturally light brown, but two years ago his friends decided to make him dye it black and now he couldn't stop doing it or "it'd be weird".  
I could've done the awkward move of bringing up my ex and how _he_ used to dye his hair too, but I decided against that. It probably wasn't a wise move.

And then I told him about myself. The whole time he nodded and smiled, listening so intently, and he never interrupted me. After Eddie, I was used to guys making snarky and funny comments during my sentences. Especially when the guy was American and you were British, and they liked to make jokes about how you pronounced words.

Ryan laughed at my really lame jokes, and there was no tension. We were just the right balance between being different and being similar, and we never clashed with each other. We disagreed on some stuff, sure, but there were no serious things keeping us from getting along.  
For one thing, he didn't create a not-so-nice nickname for me within ten minutes of our first conversation. He called me by my actual name and didn't accuse me of talking too much.  
Things were different with him.  
It was easier. More relaxed.

I liked it.

'That movie was… terrible.' I laughed as we walked out of the cinema. Ryan reached down and took my hand gently, and I blushed a little. I _blushed_.

'I liked it.'

'_Really_?' Looking up at him, I raised my eyebrows, incredulous.

He grinned and shook his head, laughing a little as we walked down the steps. 'No. Not at all.'

'I didn't think so.'

'What kinds of movies do _you _like then, Patricia?'

I shrugged. 'Anything really. Just not awful ones like that one.'

'Same here,' he chuckled. 'I'll watch anything.… So, what do you wanna do now? Grab some dinner? Or if you're really not enjoying the date, then I can drop you home…' He smirked playfully and I laughed.

'I'm having a good time,' I said sincerely. 'Let's go for dinner. There's a café just down the road from here that we could walk to.'

'Sounds good.' He smiled down at me and squeezed my hand.  
We went to his car so he could grab his jacket, and then we walked down to the café.

It was a little Italian café right on the edge of the town centre, and it wasn't busy at all which was nice.  
Ryan pulled my chair out for me when the waiter showed us our table, and I blushed again. It was only the first date, and he was already making me blush. A few years ago, I would've hated the fact I was blushing. And I sort of still hated it, but not much.

It was 10pm when Ryan dropped me home.

We'd been having such a good date that we completely lost track of time and, before we knew it, the café was closing.

Ryan walked me to my door, and he kissed me. I hadn't kissed anyone but Eddie in my whole life, and I hated that kissing someone made me think of him (I guessed it always would, seeing as he was my first kiss ever). But, the longer Ryan kissed me, the more I thought of Ryan; which was just how it should've been.

And when he pulled away, I had a huge grin on my face because for the first time in what felt like forever, I wasn't spending the evening thinking of Eddie. No—I was thinking of _Ryan_. I was thinking of the boy I'd just been on a proper date with, and just properly kissed. It was so nice to be different with him.

He pulled no snarky remarks when I leaned in to hug him, and I liked that. It was so much easier. Different, but easier.

"I'll call you," he said, smiling as I leaned out of the hug. "Tomorrow. Yeah?"  
"Yeah."

"I had such a good time tonight. Thank you."

"Thank _you_." I grinned, and he leaned in to kiss me just one last time before I unlocked my door. As I walked in to my apartment, I didn't look back, but I knew he was standing there for a moment before the door closed.

When I got inside, I took a moment to compose myself back in to the usual Patricia. The Patricia who didn't blush; the Patricia who didn't go crazy over a boy.  
Oh, who was I kidding—I left all that behind when Eddie came along.

Underneath my I-hate-cliché, no-one-can-make-me-blush exterior… I was a girl. And I liked it when a boy told me I looked beautiful, or when a boy held my hand. I guess it made me feel loved; it made me feel wanted.

And for the first time in 18 months, I was pretty sure I wanted someone back. Someone other than Eddie.

I made myself some hot chocolate, put my pajamas on and picked up my phone to text Joy.

_Date done. Just got home… shall I call you or are you asleep? _

Joy_: No. I'm awake. Call me! I want to hear everything. _

Smiling like an idiot, I called her straight away and she answered after just three rings.

"How did it go?" She asked as soon as she answered.

"Hello to you too,"

"Sorry, hi," she rushed. "But seriously—how did it go!?"

I sighed, and felt like a little bit of a blushing idiot, but I didn't mind it. I liked it… just a little. But I'd never admit that out loud. "Oh, Joy… it was so good."

"Where did you go?"

I told her every single detail – even about the kiss (_"He __**kissed**__ you!? PATRICIA!") – _and she squealed practically the whole time. She was such an excited little girl inside and, to be honest, I felt like one right now, too.

"That is _so_ wonderful, Trix. I'm so glad you had a good time."

"Me too," I smiled, feeling relieved. "I was so nervous."

"That's a good sign. It means you're moving on… and, as much as I shipped Peddie, I'm so glad you've found Ryan. He really likes you."

I frowned. "How do you know?"

"He texted Jerome a minute ago to tell him."

"Wow, really?"

"Yeah."

"…Wow."

Joy sighed happily and then squealed, "I'm so excited for you!"

"Thanks," I chuckled, sitting down on the sofa. "Listen I'm gonna go… I'm exhausted. I'll talk to you tomorrow."  
"Alright sweetie. Glad you had a good time. Thanks for telling me all about it… Bye!"

* * *

I woke up the next morning with his face etched on to my brain. His brown hair, his brown eyes, the biker boots, the leather jackets…  
I smiled until I realised_ who_ was etched on to my brain.

Ryan didn't wear biker boots. He didn't wear leather jackets. He didn't have brown hair.

Instead of it being the boy that should've been etched on to my brain – the boy who'd kissed me so amazingly the night before – it was the boy I thought I'd finally let go.

It was Eddie. Stupid, stupid Eddie. Why on earth was I thinking of him the minute I woke up?

I frowned and pushed the duvet off me before walking down the hall and in to the kitchen, rubbing my eyes sleepily. I thought I'd make myself some coffee to try and take my mind off things.

It didn't work.

I tried turning on the TV on to distract my mind, because I had no idea what was going on. It all seemed so sudden.  
It'd been five days since I'd seen Eddie last, and our conversation hadn't exactly been particularly riveting. All we'd done is said "hi", and that was pretty much it, before my now-married best friend interrupted us.

And if I'm honest, I hadn't thought about Eddie all night on my date with Ryan. I felt like I was finally moving on – like I was finally feeling normal again – and I felt content.

But now, waking up to Eddie on my mind and all over my thoughts, I wasn't sure what had happened.

I thought back over my dreams last night. I was pretty sure I hadn't dreamt about Eddie.

So why was I thinking about him so much?

After lunch, I started wishing that I had work that day, because everything was so busy there that maybe it could've jolted my brain in to forgetting Eddie and thinking about Ryan. I _wanted_ to think about Ryan, and when I forced myself to think of him, I smiled. Because things were so much easier with him, and I loved that.

I picked up my laptop and saw I had a Facebook message from Joy, sent at 4am. Smiling, I opened it.

_Just getting on the plane now. I just sent you a postcard… old fashioned, I know, but I love them. Hope all is well for you this morning and Ryan has texted you already. Love you. Joy :) xx _

And when I looked at my phone, I realised that he had, in fact, texted me. I'd been so focused on Eddie all morning that I'd forgotten to check my phone.

Ryan: _Morning gorgeous. Had such a good time last night. See me tomorrow? :) _

Me: _Hi :) Sure. What time? Where? _

Ryan: _Walk on the beach after a coffee? 10am?_

Me: _It's freezing out! _

Ryan: _Wear a coat. :) I'll see you then. Xxxx _

Me: _Okay :) _

Ryan: _Patricia, you should know that I really like you. And I really want to give this a try with you…xxx_

* * *

**A/N:  
**

**Hey sweethearts! Sorry this part is kind of lame, but the next part will be so much better.  
Yay for Joy shipping Peddie, you guys. She always has done from the very beginning;)  
**

**I started college yesterday, so I might not be updating really, really soon. But I'll try my best. **

**Thank you so much for reading; please leave a review! I love getting them, they're my fave thing. Your reviews are wonderful.  
**

**Also, I'm doing a one-shot series and would really appreciate some prompts/ideas :) **

**Love:* xxx**


	8. My Way Back To You

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis or any of the characters related to it.

* * *

**Patricia**

When I smiled, replied and put my phone down, I looked at the clock to realise it was 2pm.

I watched TV for another hour, ate another bowl of cereal, and looked through Facebook. It was a slow day. I was wearing grey sweatpants, a black long-sleeved top and a purple checked flannel shirt that wasn't buttoned up.

And after dinner at 6pm, I felt lonely, sitting at the table with nothing other than an empty bowl of soup and a magazine.

A part of me wished I'd seen Ryan today instead of planning it for yesterday because then I'd have something to do; someone to talk to.

Just as I was about to reach for my phone to see if he could meet up this evening, my doorbell rang. I casually got up and ran my hands through my hair as I walked over.

And when I opened the door, I froze.

My eyes widened, my arm stayed still at my side, and I stared at him. I didn't even blink for a minute or so.

He was looking at me without his head moving up from the ground, one hand in his jeans pocket, his hair tousled as if he'd been running his hands through it repeatedly.

**Eddie**

I found myself at Patricia's door. I wasn't sure how I got there, but I was sure that all roads seemed to lead me here.  
I'd been walking through town, and every street seemed to take me to Patricia. All day I'd been imagining her at home, in her room, alone. It was ridiculously cliché, but I'd think of her eyes, and every inch of me wanted to be there with her.

I took a deep, shaky breath. "I don't know why I'm here…" I said, my voice quiet and nervous. My hands were shaking.

I waited for her to talk. I waited to hear her voice. I didn't know what to do, and I didn't know why I'd come here. She probably didn't even want to see me.

"Eddie…" Patricia breathed, blinking at me I surprise. "Wha—why—"

She didn't know what to do either, clearly. There was a long moment of silence before she spoke again. "Do… do you want to come in?" And when she asked, she sounded unsure. She sounded like she didn't really know what she was saying and why she was saying it, but she was saying it anyway.

She stepped aside, and my feet took me in.

Before I knew it, I was standing in her living room and she was looking at me expectantly.

And when I looked up at her, she was looking at me, and our eyes met for one moment. The look she gave me just told me that she was actually glad I was here, and while I knew everything was different in our lives now, everything seemed the same too. There was no awkwardness. It felt natural to be standing here, smiling softly at her. I didn't know how or why I'd ended up here, but I knew why I wanted to stay.

**Patricia**

I looked at Eddie and for a moment I couldn't quite believe I was here, in my own living room, wearing sweatpants, with Eddie Miller standing in front of me. Eddie—the guy who had taken over me for years of my life; the guy who I was never able to erase from my memory no matter how hard I tried.

And a part of me was mad at him for everything. I was mad that he didn't stay in touch after we broke up, and I was mad at him for not speaking to me at the wedding. I was mad at him for constantly messing with my feelings. For four years now, he'd been messing with my head and my heart. I swore I'd never be messed around by a boy, or feel these stupid mushy feelings. But, when it came to Eddie, it was inevitable.

It had always been inevitable.

I sighed. "Why are you here, Eddie?"

He shrugged and took a step forward towards me. I wanted to step back, but there was a wall there.

"I had to see you…"

"Why? You saw me at the wedding and didn't seem bothered about me, so…"

"Yes, and that's why I came here," he stepped closer again. He was only a few feet away now. "Look, Patricia… I needed to see you because I didn't see you enough at the wedding…"

I straightened up a little and got ready to listen.

"…And I'm so sorry about that. I got home and I just felt so stupid. I should've spoken to you more at the wedding, and I felt like I'd missed my chance…"  
"You did."

"I know," he said, and he looked regretful.

But what he didn't know was that he hadn't just missed his chance to speak to me… I'd been on a date now since Eddie, and I felt weird about all this. Maybe he'd missed his chance with me now, too…

"But I know I should've held you there, Patricia. I should've spoken to you and asked you how you are. I should've told you I miss you…"

"You miss me?" I interrupted him, trying not to feel hope. I didn't want to feel hope just yet.

Eddie looked at me and shrugged guiltily. "Desperately…"

My breath caught in my throat.

"And I sort of, kind of still have feelings for you…"

Letting out a long and shaky breath, I tried to stifle the smile that was twitching at my lips. He missed me?  
Had he been missing me all this time and I just had no idea?  
Had he been thinking of me every day like I did with him?

All of these questions whirled around in my head.

The fact that I just now found out that he missed me and felt things for me, and I hadn't known it all this time, made things worse. It should've made it better and simpler, but it didn't. There was just the small problem of Ryan; things were so much easier with him and I didn't know if I wanted to try it with him first or not. What if it worked out with him and it turned out to be better than things with Eddie ever were?

Or what if we didn't work out and I regretted leaving Eddie behind?

This was all too much too fast. Within fifteen minutes I'd gone from talking to the boy I was pretty much dating to talking to my ex who was telling me he still had feelings for me. It was so sudden. So _random_.

I was mad at him for another reason now—the fact he hadn't told me all of this months and months ago. If he'd been missing me all this time, then why the heck didn't he tell me?

**Eddie**

Patricia stood in front of me, looking slightly shocked and maybe even slightly confused. I was confused, too.

I stepped forward again so we were just a foot apart, and she stared ahead of her at the floor. She didn't look at me for a while, but when she did, she looked half worried and half happy.

I could tell that she missed me too just by the way she'd looked at me when I said it to her. She looked full of hope, and she'd stood up straighter and looked a little brighter.

So I did it.

I threw caution to the wind and leaned forward. Slowly and hesitantly, I brought my hand up to touch her face and as our skin touched, she jumped a tiny bit but didn't move away. She was looking me right in the eyes, and I had no idea whether this was the right thing to do or not.

There was only one way to find out.

**Patricia**

Eddie touched my face so lightly with the tips of his fingers that it would have been impossible to pull away. Even if my feet wanted me to move away, my mind didn't. I didn't want to move away…

When he slowly leaned in, gradually cupping my face with his hand, I glanced down at his lips. I was frozen in place.

His lips were grazing mine when I pulled away. It took so much willpower but I had to do it; I had to tell him what was going through my head…

"Wait…" I said, stopping him in his tracks. He didn't pull away even slightly so I had to move away myself. It wasn't fair to him to not know what was going on. He had no idea I'd been on a date with someone else…

"I can't do this, Eddie… I have to tell you something…" I moved away from the wall and then backed up. For a moment Eddie's hand stayed hovering in the air from where it was touching my cheek, but then he brought it down and looked at me. He looked worried.

"What is it?" He asked.

"I… I don't know if I can kiss you," I said, "Because I… I went on a date last night. And I don't know…"  
"A date?" He cut me off. I think he was trying to sound angry, but it just sounded upset and confused.

"Yeah, with Jerome's friend Ryan…," I looked at the floor for a moment. "And I don't know if I can kiss you because, well… I don't know what I want. I don't just kiss _anyone_, you know that—"  
"…But you kissed Ryan, didn't you?"

"How did you know that?"

He shrugged, exasperated, "Wild guess."

"Well… yeah, I did—"

"Was he a good kisser?"

"What? Why on earth would you want to know—"

"Because I do!"

"_Stop_ interrupting me!" I cried, "Seriously, just… shut up and let me talk!"

I looked at him, and he was looking at the floor, and he looked so sad in that moment. My forehead wrinkled and I wanted to step forward, but I knew he'd just step back.

"Look, Eddie, this is hurting me like it's hurting you – believe me – but I just… I can't rush in to things with you. I need to think."

"But I love you," he said, as if it were the most obvious thing, and he looked up. I couldn't believe he'd just said that, and now I was turning him away.… His eyebrows were together in the middle. "What is there to think about?"

Shaking my head, I shrugged. My voice was weak as I spoke, "It wasn't enough back then… what if it's not enough now?"

He looked back down again and shook his head slightly.

"Things have fallen apart without you," his voice was nearly just a whisper. "And I don't want to go on like this…"

"I need to think," I repeated, "Things were so hard with you, Eddie. It killed me."

"Doesn't it kill you now though? To not be with me?"

"Well, yeah, but… with this new guy…"

He interrupted me, but not with speech—instead he sighed and put his hand over his face for a minute before rubbing his mouth with the palm of his hand. I had to wait a minute before I spoke again, to let him compose himself.

"…With this new guy, things are easy. Things are simple…"

"So basically I've lost you toe him?" He looked up at me again. His eyebrows furrowed.

"I…," I shook my head, "I don't know, Eddie… this is why I need to think."

He didn't reply with words.

He replied in every single way I ever wanted him to; all through our fights at university, at Anubis House, and now here in my apartment… twenty one years old…

He practically ran forward and gathered me up in his arms, kissing me so roughly but still full of so much gentleness and love.

It took me by surprise at first – I didn't really know what he was going to do – but once I realised what he was doing there was no point in telling him to stop.  
I wrapped my arms around his neck, running my hands through his hair and he backed me up against the wall.

And I was so, so glad I didn't stop him from kissing me.

Hopelessly, unbelievably glad.

* * *

**A/N: Hey my wonderful readers! Sorry it's taken me so long to upload this chapter. You have no idea how long I've been wanting to upload it; I was just waiting until I'd edited it to the point where it felt ready to upload! **

**Really, really, ****_really_****, hope you liked it. Reviews would be so appreciated (seriously, you have no idea!) as they always cheer me up. Thank you so much for reading. **

**If you fancy it, check out my one shot series, "Everything We Are", and if you like Austin and Ally then I wrote an Auslly one shot the other day! If you read them, let me know your thoughts and prompts for more chapters of Everything We Are :) **

**Love :* xxx**


	9. The Way I Loved You

**Disclaimer:** I do not own House of Anubis or any of the characters related to it.

* * *

**Eddie**

Patricia and I ended up lying on her bed, her lying on her side with her back against the wall and me lying opposite her on my side.

I smiled at her, and she smiled back and looked down. She looked so beautiful in her sweatpants, messy hair and no makeup. She looked older now; more mature. And her hair was natural still—dark and wavy. I loved her hair like that.

We spoke for hours.

We spoke about everything.  
I told her about my awful job and my awful apartment and how, for the past 18 months, everything had fallen apart. She didn't laugh at me or judge me; instead she just shuffled a little closer and kept her eyes on the mattress below her.  
And she told me about where she was working; she said that she wasn't really sure what she wanted to do with her life and that her job was okay but she was lost and confused. I told her that that was how I was feeling, too.

By the time it was midnight, we'd moved even closer to each other and she was leaning her head on my chest, still lying on our sides. Our hands were together at our sides as we played with each other's fingers, and I smiled down at her.

"Eddie…"

"Mm?"

"How did you find my address?"

I laughed a little and brought my hand down to play with her hair. "Joy gave it to me…"

"Oh."  
"Is that OK?"

I felt her smiling. "Yeah. And… I kind of did the same with your address."

"Remind me again why we can't be together?"

Sighing, she closed her eyes. "You know why. It fell apart last time." She sounded so sleepy.

"But Patricia," I said, "we're older now. We'll make it work this time… we'll do things differently."

She didn't say anything.

And after a few more minutes of silence, I spoke again.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah."

Before I asked my question, I moved away from her slightly so I could lean down and kiss her. I could tell she was trying to stifle a smile when I pulled away.

"…Who do you think you'll choose?"

Patricia looked up at me and hastily moved away, shaking her head rapidly. "Don't ask me that. I don't know."

I grabbed her arms and tried to pull her back again. "It's okay," I said, "you don't have to decide right now, I just… I just missed you so much."

"I missed you too."

**Patricia**

The way Eddie was holding me made me feel so content.

It was a feeling I hadn't felt in a while.

Holding him like this, feeling the butterflies in my stomach once more, made up for the lost time—it made me feel like we could know each other better this time.

But still, I wasn't sure if that was enough; I still had to make my decision.

I had to choose between risking dating someone new that I didn't know anything about, and saying no to Eddie; or risking being with Eddie again. Either way, it was going to be like jumping off a ledge in to the sea, not knowing if there are rocks there or not.

* * *

The next morning, I woke up at 7am and knew I wouldn't get back to sleep. I got up—maybe I could get some useful thinking done. Eddie was asleep next to me; I didn't want to wake him up, so I managed to climb over him and go straight to the bathroom for a shower.

I pulled my dressing gown on after the shower and padded through in to the kitchen to make myself some coffee. Deciding to make Eddie some too, I made a pot and left it in there to keep it warm.

Ten minutes later – earlier than I'd expected – Eddie came sleepily walking through in to the kitchen. He was rubbing his eyes and smiled when he saw me. It was a little awkward now as we stood there; it was light outside and it seemed to make everything weirder. Last night, it'd been a random outburst of feelings and kisses and it felt right, but this morning it seemed weird.  
It seemed weird that he'd just shown up last night, we'd kissed and then spent the night together. After 18 months, all of that had happened in less than twelve hours. Crazy, right?

"Morning." Eddie yawned.

"Hey," I said, "I made you some coffee. It's in the pot."

"Thanks."

I couldn't quite believe that he was standing in my kitchen right now. He was standing there, all sweatpants and messy hair, and all I wanted to do was reach out so I could hug him and kiss him. But I knew that it wasn't my place to do that.  
I mean, I knew he wouldn't complain, but… it wasn't really fair to him. As much as I wanted to…

"What're you doing today?" Eddie asked randomly, taking a sip of his coffee.

I leaned against the counter and looked down at my mug. "Um… I'm, uh… seeing Ryan…"

"Oh. Okay…"

"Sorry…"

"It's OK," he shrugged. He looked down at his cup too. "Anyway, I'd, um… better go."

"You don't want to stay for breakfast?" I looked up. And as soon as I asked that, I realised how desperate I sounded.

"No, I'm okay… I'll, uh, have it at home."

"Okay, well… I'll see you…"

"Soon?" Eddie finished for me, looking up at me hopefully.

"…Soon."

He went to hug me, but then backed away again and looked down awkwardly. Coughing to fill the silence, he went to put his shoes on.

"It's been good to see you again…" he said, standing by the front door.

"You too,"

He stared at me for a moment, but then spoke. "Choose me, OK?"

"Stop that. I… I'm not _choosing_ anybody. I'm just…"

"Just what?"

I shook my head. "You wouldn't get it."

"Try me."

"No, Eddie! I don't want to talk about it. Especially not to you…"

"What? Why especially not me?"

"Because you're… you're you! I can't talk to you about something that involves you…"

"So you _are_ choosing someone."

I sighed, feeling tired and exasperated, and shook my head incredulously. "Eddie, please… I can't fight with you."

He noticed I was upset and looked down at the floor. "Sorry, I'll, uh… I'll just go…" he said, and once he opened the door, he turned around again. "I'm sorry, Patricia. I'm sorry for everything."

Now it was my turn to stare at him. Blankly. I blinked a few times, and then took a shaky breath. "Bye, Eddie."

"Bye, Yacker."

As I closed the door, I smiled. _Yacker_.

But then I felt a heavy feeling in my chest; a heavy feeling over the fact that Eddie – the boy I'd been pining for for over eighteen months now – had just walked away. And, to make it worse, I was the one who made him leave. I was the one who'd told him I had no choice.

A tear fell out of my eye and I cried silently to myself for a moment – a stupid, helpless moment – and I didn't know what to do with myself. What just happened proved how explosive we were together, and I was so confused.

_February 1__st__, 2014_

_We fought so hard for us over the next month. We fought so hard to make things work after our argument – after we spent the night back to back – and for a while we were okay. We were better than okay; we were good. _

_We slept in the same bed every night, holding each other, and we didn't argue for a month. _

_Eddie surprised me one day when I got home from work. It was 8pm on a Friday, our housemates were out, and I was exhausted and starving.  
I walked inside, feeling tired and a little fed up, and when I turned around I saw that only the dim lights in the living room were on.  
Eddie had strung fairy lights around the room, and there was a picnic on the floor.  
He was standing in the middle of the room, a bunch of red flowers in his hand, and he smiled at me as I walked in. My eyes were wide, and I dropped all my bags in shock. _

_"__Hi…" I drawled, slowly walking forward. _

_"__I thought you might be hungry," he said, shrugging lightly and smiling. "And a little tired, and maybe run down. I thought this would cheer you up." _

_"__Eddie…," I started as I took the flowers from him and looked around the room. He'd even tidied the living room; there were none of his clothes anywhere and none of our housemate's stuff either. "This is so cheesy." I was grinning ear to ear. _

_"__I know," he laughed. _

_"__But I love it," I put the flowers down on the kitchen worktop next to me and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Thanks." I kissed him quickly on the lips before hugging him tightly. _

_"__I love you," he sighed happily over my shoulder. "I'll never give up on us."_

_He'd made me macaroni cheese, and it took as half an hour to eat it, and before we knew it we were sitting with our backs against the sofa. I was leaning on him, and he had his lips on my hair.  
"Thanks for this," I said, smilingly hopelessly. "I needed it." _

_"__You're welcome." He kissed my temple, and we both smiled. I was wearing a red flower in my hair and he took it out, shaking my hair out before playing with it._

_We went on like this for a month or so.  
Eddie would buy me flowers, give me surprises, tell me he loved me. We stopped fighting completely. I'd call him at work, we made an effort to make time for each other, and we were doing well. _

_But before we knew it, things fell apart again. _

_And this time, it had felt like there was nothing we could do to stop it. _

_He gave up on us. _

Present time

**Eddie**

I got home and put my keys straight on the table by the door. My flat was a mess, but I didn't care; I wasn't even thinking about that right now. All I could think about was Patricia, and the way we'd fallen asleep last night, and the way she'd looked at me.

I could tell she was genuinely confused. She didn't know what to do – with me, with Ryan, or even with her life – and I knew how that felt. I didn't want to act too impatient, but I wanted to know. I wanted closure; I needed to know if it was time to move on.

Not that I knew if it was even possible to move on from Patricia, but still. Maybe I could try.

But I knew it would never work because, after all… it was Patricia. _Patricia_.

When she'd opened the door and stared at me, I felt so weird and so on edge, but I didn't want to leave. Not one single part of me wanted to walk away.

And when I'd moved forward and just kissed her – just because I had to remember what it felt like – I felt like after everything we'd been through, after everything I'd done, I loved her better now. Things were different; things had changed now… I was more mature, and I knew that how I felt about Patricia mattered more than being right. It mattered more than winning every argument.

After everything, I felt I loved her better—I finally knew how I truly felt about her.

But then she'd told me about Ryan… and I felt I'd missed my chance. And as far as I knew right now, I might have. I was just as close to losing her for good as I was to getting her back again. And that thought scared me; out of everything I'd seen and been through, losing Patricia was the scariest thing I could ever imagine.

August 2015

_University Graduation day. _

_I remember how weird it was, standing there in the line, waiting for my name to be called. I was standing in a long line of so many different people, and I could see my dad on one side of the room and my mom on the other. They were both crying._

_But despite my mom and dad crying at the fact I was graduating, and despite the fact that there were thousands of people in the room I was standing in, the only person I could see was Patricia. _

_It'd been a year since we broke up, but still she looked at me so sadly, just like she had done the night we ended things. I kept looking at her, and for a while I felt like we were the only two people in the room. _

_Our graduation gowns were black, and it made me sad to think that the last time we wore gowns like these, something huge had just happened and we were still together. A few hours later, Patricia had told me that, despite the fact the hero inside of me had died, I was still a hero to her; and that meant more to me than she will ever know. _

_It _still_ meant more to me than she will ever know. _

_At the after-graduation party, we'd hugged each other for the first time in a year. _

_And I wish I'd held on for longer because I had no idea that it'd be the last time I'd see her in a really long time. _

_"__Congratulations," she said, sounding weirdly formal as she smiled at me awkwardly. _

_"__You too," I smiled. _

_"__I, um… I'm proud of you." _

_"__I'm proud of you, too…," I said softly, and just as I was about to tell her something else, her sister came up behind her and hugged her. _

_"__Well done, sis!" She grinned excitedly. And then she turned to me. "And well done, Eddie." _

_"__Thanks, Piper." I smiled politely and did a ridiculous little wave. I felt so stupid, and so disappointed that I could've spoken more to Patricia if her sister hadn't come over. _

_But still, I stared at her as she spoke to her sister a few feet away from me, and I smiled. Because as she stood there in her black gown, black hat and her famous boots, she was there. She was in front of me for the first time in a while, and she was beautiful. Wonderful. _

_She was Patricia. And nothing would ever live up to the way I loved her. _

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**A/N:** **Okay so I'm sorry this part was so sucky. And I'm sorry it's taken me so long. I've been trying for ages to improve it because I felt it was a little slow and not much was happening, but I guess that's just the nature of the chapter. Chapter ten will be better...;) **

**I feel like no one's reading my chapters anymore so pleeeaassee review, even just with a smiley! (Also check out my other Peddie fics:')) **

**Thanks so much for reading. I read back your old reviews and I just grin at my laptop because you're all SO WONDERFUL. And to the guest reviewers, you're just as appreciated; I just can't reply to guests, it won't let me:( But keep them coming! **

**Love :* xxx**


	10. Falling

**Disclaimer:** I do not own House of Anubis or any of the characters related to it.

* * *

Present time

**Patricia**

Ryan picked me up at 10am.

We went to a coffee shop a few miles from my house, then for a walk on the beach, just like he'd said we would. I was wearing a thick leather jacket, some dark red gloves and a big, white scarf around my neck. Even though it was March now, it was still cold out.

Ryan slipped his hand in to mine as we walked along, and I looked up at him, smiling. I wasn't quite used to how easy it was with him. I didn't realise it could be that easy with a boy.

We went to a café for lunch at 1 O'clock, and everything was great.

"So what was Jerome like at the school you went to?" Ryan asked, sipping his drink.

"He was a nightmare," I said, "seriously. And somehow Joy fell for him. Actually, lots of girls fell for him... I even went on a date with him once."

Ryan nearly choked on his drink, and he looked at me with his eyes wide, laughing a little. "What? You and Jerome!?... No way!"

"Yeah," I laughed. "But it wasn't a real date."

"What d'you mean?"

"I mean, I only asked him on a date to make someone jealous and he only said yes to try and prove a point to someone."

"…Right…"

"I know, it's weird. But we were young."

"How old?"

"Seventeen. Nearly eighteen."

"So… who was this guy you were trying to make jealous?" Ryan asked, raising an eyebrow playfully.

I laughed nervously and swirled the straw of my milkshake around in the glass. "Just this guy I used to date, but… it didn't work out. We broke up 18 months ago."

"Oh," he said, "OK. Well, whoever he is, he's gotta be an idiot for letting you go that easily."

I smiled a little and looked down at the table. Yeah, Eddie _was_ an idiot. He'd been a big one back at university.  
But, looking back, I'd been one too.

We went to the park as well – it was completely deserted – and sat on the swings, gently swinging back and forth a tiny bit with our feet still on the ground.  
"You're different to other girls," Ryan said randomly.

I laughed. "So I've been told,"

"Seriously," Ryan laughed too, a tiny bit of black hair falling in to his eyes. I smiled at him as he stared ahead. "You're… interesting."

"Interesting? Wow, you sure know how to charm a girl…"

"No," he turned to me now, and he was grinning. "You know what I mean. You're different, and I like it. You wouldn't take any crap from anyone, you know?"

"Oh, I know…"

"…And you're just yourself all the time. You weren't bothered about trying to impress me. Most girls, they just pretend to be something they're not. But not you; you're different."

"I guess I just decided to be my own person a while back, and… it's been good for me."

"I like it," Ryan said honestly, shrugging lightly. "A lot."

"A lot?"

Ryan nodded, and I smiled at him. And I knew in that moment that I had to see him again; I didn't want to leave things with him just yet. He was good; he was nice to me. He was cute, and funny, and just what I needed.

"You know," Ryan started, putting his hand in mine as we walked along the pavement. "Today has been so much fun, and I don't really want it to end yet."

"Me neither."

"We could go to a restaurant for dinner?"

"I don't do restaurants."

"What?" Ryan asked, looking down at me and grinning. "Why not?"

I shrugged. "Never have done, never will. They're too posh, and there are too many rules about where your elbows can go and how much food you can put in your mouth at once."

Ryan laughed. "This is what I love about you, Trix," he said, "you're really not like other girls."

"You got that right."

Smirking, he moved his hand from mine and put his arm around my shoulder, gently pulling me in to him. He smelled good, like a cross between clean clothes and boy's cologne.

/\o\/o/\

Everything was great with Ryan all day, and when I eventually got home it was 8 O'clock. How had the day gone so quickly?

"I'll see you soon?" Ryan asked, stopping by my door and taking a hold of my hands.

I nodded, completely sincere, and smiled when he leaned in to kiss me. He was an amazing kisser.

And when he pulled away, I was sure I'd made my decision.

"I think I'm falling for you, Patricia…"

_I think I'm falling for you, Yacker_.

I bit my lip, trying to smile.

"I know we've only been on two dates, so we're technically only dating, but…," Ryan came closer and held my hands. "I… do you… do you wanna make it official? You know, like… _official_, official?"

I bit my lip for another moment. It took my by surprise, I'll admit that.  
But what took me by surprise even more was what I said next.

"I'd like that."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Ryan grinned, and leaned forward to kiss me just once. "I'll see you soon?"

"Yeah… definitely."

And when he kissed me again, I held on for just that little bit longer because it was easy being with him. Just so, so much easier than anything I was used to. I felt perfectly fine with him.

_Ryan_.

* * *

A month later

**Eddie**

Four weeks after I spent the night at Patricia's, and I still hadn't heard from her. I took it as my cue to move on.

**Patricia**

Four weeks with Ryan and I hadn't thought about Eddie once. Not _once_.

It was such a nice change, because for the past 18 months, all I'd been able to think about was Eddie. But then Ryan came along, and wiped all that away.

I saw him almost everyday for a week; some of the time we went out, but mostly we just chilled at either one of our apartments.  
His place was nice, and quite big, and clean. He lived with one of his band mates, but he was always out, so it was mostly just the two of us. Just how I liked it.

And when we _did_ go out, Ryan always came up with the most random suggestions (although it was _never_ a restaurant.)

"Let's go to the _zoo_! I wanna see the gorillas!" He'd grinned one morning.  
"_I know…_ let's go _roller skating_!"  
"Oh my gosh. Patricia, I have the best idea _ever_. We _have_ to go swimming at that new pool today; there's an awesome slide and everything."

Sometimes he was like a little kid. And I loved that; it made me feel like my life wasn't such a mess, and like it wasn't the end of the world if I didn't have a job that I loved, or if I didn't have much money. Other things in life could make me happy; like the zoo, roller skating, a certain boy…

* * *

**A/N: **_I'M SORRY.__ Please don't hate me for breaking poor Peddie up... I'm just really sorry!  
Apart from that, I really hope you liked this chapter:') Please review, I would love some feedback for this chapter. Hopefully the next will be up soon! Sorry this one took me a while.  
_

_Love you guys, thank you for reading.  
_

_I'm still working on those prompts for Everything We Are! :) _

_Love :* xxx_


	11. The Box

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis.

* * *

**Patricia**

When I walked in to my flat one night – my flat that was completely pitch black and freezing – I took a deep breath and flicked the light switch with my finger. I'd left it a bit of a mess in here; Ryan and I hadn't thought to clear up before we left that morning. He'd stayed overnight for the first time.

It took my eyes a moment or so to adjust to the bright lights, but eventually I moved forward in to the living room. I dropped my keys on the coffee table by the sofa and walked down the hall to my room, unraveling my scarf on my way.

Just as I was taking my leather jacket off, I kicked a box under my bed with my heel by accident. I didn't realise it was there, so I decided to take a look at what was in it.

It was a small cardboard box – an old shoebox, in fact – and the edges were scuffed, showing the inside of the cardboard. Frowning, I pulled it out and sat it on my lap as I knelt down. I couldn't remember for the life of me what it was.

But when I opened the lid and the things inside processed through my brain, it all came back to me. It all came back to me and hit me like a wall…  
The photo frame, the prom ticket, the picture I'd had on my desk, the red hair flower, the single shoe, the Valentine's day card from when we were seventeen, the little key ring he'd given me for my nineteenth birthday…

I gasped silently and my hand came up to my mouth.

I remembered now.

I'd put this box together when I had taken down the picture of Eddie and me that was once on my desk at work. I'd decided to throw away all the memories from Eddie to try to erase him completely, but when I came to throw them in the bin, I couldn't do it. So instead, I'd come to my room and found the first box I came across, stuffed it full of all the silly, tiny little things and hidden it under my bed. For a while, I'd remembered it was there, but clearly it eventually faded from my memory. How could I have forgotten it?

I looked through each and every one of the items in there. Some made me sad, and some made me happy. The key ring reminded me of the time period when we broke up, but it said "Yacker" on it, and that's what made me happy. The red flower reminded me of when we'd tried to piece things back together. The Valentine's day card reminded me of Anubis House, and how simple things were between us back then.  
And the photo of us – my _favourite_ photo of us – reminded me of when we were happy. It was just pure happiness in one photo.

When I thought about it, Ryan and Eddie were complete opposites. Ryan was in a band with black hair, chinos and denim shirts, and he was kind, quiet, and funny.

But Eddie…Eddie was brown-haired, all biker boots and leather jackets and he was loud, tall and sometimes irritating. God, Eddie _was_ irritating. He'd always been the irritating one, but when I thought about it, he was _my_ irritating one.

Ryan was Ryan, and Eddie was Eddie. There was no way of choosing between the two of them by thinking about this. Thinking wasn't getting me anywhere.

Ryan was good, yeah.  
But Eddie and I had history. We had all of these memories – all of these _things _– that I just couldn't erase no matter how hard I tried. There must have been a reason for that.

Before I knew it, I'd picked up my bag, turned the lights back out and gone down to my car.

Before I knew it, I was on his street.

It was a rough neighbourhood he was living in now. His flat was part of a scruffy-looking building, and I hadn't expected it to be quite like this even when he'd told me about it.

If anyone saw me now, they'd think I was crazy. I _was_ crazy; I didn't even know why I'd come here. What did I expect to happen? That I'd tell him about Ryan and then leave again?  
People would think I was a terrible person. Which, essentially, I was. This wasn't the right thing to do.

Hand shaking, I knocked on the door. There was no turning back now.

The door opened no more than a minute later. Eddie was just wearing sweatpants and his hair was wet; after all, it was 9pm and he'd probably just had a shower.

I didn't know how or why I'd ended up here. All I knew was that this was where I was, right then, in that moment.

"Hi…" he said softly.

I said nothing. I stared at him for a moment, my face falling slightly.

I just took a few steps forward in to his apartment, a helpless look on my face as if we both knew all along that I'd end up here, and my lips landed on his.

He let me kiss him right away and kissed back before kicking the door shut with his foot. Before I knew it, I'd thrown my coat on the floor and my hands were in his hair. His wet, perfectly tousled hair. He wrapped his arm around my waist and cupped my neck with his free hand, and kissed me like he meant it; like he'd thought of nothing more than being here, touching me like this, for days. Maybe even weeks.

"That thinking took you a long time…" Eddie said against my lips, slightly breathless.

I didn't answer right away. I kissed him again, my mouth already open, and he absolutely, completely willingly let me. "Thinking is overrated." I mumbled before our lips touched again.

We found our way over to the couch and he lay down, my weight suspended on top of him. He pulled away from my lips and rested his forehead on mine. When I opened my eyes for a moment, I saw his eyes were closed.

"Patricia," he said, "I love you."

"I love you too," I kissed him quickly, "Doofus."

I woke up in the middle of the night in an unfamiliar bed. I'd never been here before, and for a moment I felt panic run through me and my heart start to pound as I sat up quickly in bed, holding the sheets up around me.

But then my eyes came in to focus, the moonlight illuminating the room just perfectly, and I relaxed a little. I knew where I was. I knew _who_ I was with.

I looked to my right, and smiled very slightly when I saw him. He was lying on his back, one hand behind his head, and his eyes were closed. He was fast asleep, half-frowning, with his lips pouting slightly.

And that's when I realised that this was home. This was where I should be; this was where I was happiest—with Eddie. Not at work, not in unfamiliar places, not even with Ryan. With Eddie. Even in a crappy apartment like this one, and even though things with him were always turbulent, I was happiest with him.

That was the moment I learned that home isn't always a place; sometimes it's a person. Eddie had always been where I was meant to be.

And as much as I hated how mushy that sounded, I didn't care. I didn't care, because I finally knew what I wanted; what I _needed_.

With Ryan, things were comfortable and easy.

But with Eddie…things were right. And there's nothing else to it.

Laying back down again, I moved right up close to him and he stirred a little but didn't open his eyes. I put my head on his bare, warm chest and he made a contented noise as he smiled. He put his arm around me, holding me close, and I kissed his chest.

That's when I knew that everything had changed. This time, I'd know him better and this time, we'd both try harder.

* * *

**A/N: **_*hides under a rock* I'm SORRY it's taken me over a month to update this story! Things have been crazy, I've had writers block, and it's all been weird. So, I'm sorry! But I hope this chapter made up for it, even though it's rather short. I've missed this story!  
Peddie prevails. But, don't think it all ends here;)  
Thank you for reading! Please review and let me know what you think. I'd love to hear your thoughts :) _

_Who noticed the links to previous chapters in this chapter?;) _

_PS. I made a new Twitter account! My username is lovecamedown13 (link on my profile). __**Follow for story updates! **__(Also random life updates. And lots of fangirling.) _

_Love :* xxx_


	12. The Last Time

**A/N: **_What's this, you ask? Two updates in less than a week!? What is going on! :p Enjoy!_

* * *

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis.

* * *

**Patricia**

The next morning, when I woke up, I couldn't really remember at which point we got carried away. I couldn't remember when the clothes ended up all over the floor, or when we'd laid down and started talking, started to yawn, or when we'd finally fallen asleep.

But I did remember how we'd stayed up for hours, just talking, tangled up with each other; drunk on tiredness and feelings. Yeah, we got carried away, but it didn't matter. I wasn't about to bury the flame in the sand again just because we got caught up in the moment.

I think that, sometimes, getting caught up in the moment is what's needed to make you realise how important these moments are.

"You know I have syrup, right?" Eddie smirked, standing in the doorway to his kitchen.  
8a.m., and I was making pancakes in Eddie's kitchen. One wall had worktops along it, and the fridge and cooker were on the other side. In the middle there was a small island worktop with just one bar-stool underneath it.

"I looked for syrup," I said, sprinkling sugar on to my pancakes. "Couldn't find any. Figured I'd just use sugar."

Eddie frowned, walking over to check the cupboards. Once he'd looked in all of them, he stood up and shrugged. They were all nearly completely empty. "Guess I ran out.… Sorry there's not much to this place…it's not great, but…"

"I like it," I only half-lied, searching in various drawers for a knife and fork.  
Eddie came in front of me and opened the only drawer I hadn't tried, pulling out some cutlery for me.

"Thanks," I said, smiling softly, sitting down on the bar-stool. I was just wearing Eddie's T-shirt and some of his sweatpants, and he watched me as I ate. "There's hot water in the kettle. I just boiled it a minute ago."

Eddie smiled, turning his back to me. "Coffee?"

"Please."

The room fell silent for a few more minutes, aside from the occasional clinking of mugs and the scratching of knives on my plate. I watched Eddie from behind as he made the coffee, wearing just grey sweatpants and no shirt, his hair crazily tousled. I smiled, remembering last night, and remembering the realisations I'd come to.

"So," Eddie turned to face me. "Am I allowed to kiss you this morning or would that be breaking a rule?"

I grinned. "Well…I think if that were a rule, we'd already have broken it last night…"

Eddie grinned too and set a mug of coffee down in front of me. I pushed my empty plate away as he came around to me and before I could say anything else, his hand was on my cheek and he'd kissed me, my head tilted up so I could reach him properly. I kissed him back, but it was only a short kiss.

And when he pulled away, he smoothed his thumb over my cheek. "I hate to bring this up again," he said tentatively, "but I thought you'd moved on, and then you showed up again, and…I sort of need to know…"

"I choose you," I cut him off. He looked slightly stunned for a moment, but then a small smile twitched at the corners of his lips.

"Really?"

"It's you. It's…it's always been you." I shrugged lightly.  
Grinning widely, he leaned in and kissed me again. It was a kiss that felt so different from the others – like something amazing had just been discovered, and just been set free – and I couldn't help but feel weird. A month ago, I had no idea that any of this would happen. And now, here I was, kissing him. Here I was, having spent the night with him.  
It was almost overwhelming.

I felt sort of scared, too; scared that things would fall apart again, and scared that I'd spend another eighteen months being broken. I didn't know if I wanted to risk that, and even after all this time, I wasn't sure how much Eddie would be willing to fight. How much _we_ would be willing to fight.

"Eddie," I broke off the kiss and backed away slightly. He looked at me, his eyebrows pulled together with concern.

"You OK?"

"If we do this again," I started, feeling my voice catch in my throat. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to feel emotional. "If we're doing this…we have to do it properly. I can't risk a fallout like last time. I can't risk breaking like we did, and I can't risk being without you again…this is the last time I'm letting you in, OK?"  
Eddie nodded, letting me continue.  
"I'm scared, Eddie. Scared that we'll mess this up again. It's not going to be any easier now; it's only going to be harder. How is this going to work? How will we—"

He kissed me then.

He kissed me so passionately, full of so many words, that I stood up and wrapped my arms around his neck. It was the best way to shut me up, and the best way to tell me to calm down.  
He cupped my face with his hands, and when he pulled away he was looking me right in the eyes.

"This is the last time we do this. I won't hurt you anymore. This is it now, Yacker…we're done being stupid."

I smiled and I looked down. "I love you," I said, so quietly. So, so quietly; as if I were ashamed of it. Of course, I wasn't, but it sounded like it. I was more embarrassed of the fact I was being so cliché…and so honest.

Instead of responding with words, he just pulled me in to a hug.

The realisation of the fact I had to deal with Ryan, and the fact he said he'd fallen for me, and the fact we were together now, settled in just then. What was I going to do? I felt terrible; I'd led Ryan on. He had no idea whatsoever about Eddie, and the fact that I was still completely and totally in love with him. I had thought I was falling in love with Ryan, but I was wrong.  
What a terrible person I was going to make myself seem like.  
I hadn't meant to lead him on…

"What're you thinking about?" Eddie mumbled, stroking the back of my hair with his hand.

"I'm not sure you want to know."

"Is it that guy?"

"Ryan. Yeah."

I could almost hear Eddie rolling his eyes, and I held him tighter to remind him that it was _him_. Not Ryan. Him.

"I just don't know what do to about him. Like, what do I tell him?"

"Tell him you just got back together with your helplessly gorgeous ex-boyfriend, and you don't need him anymore."

When I pulled away, Eddie was smirking, and I smiled at him, shaking my head.

"Ha-ha, very funny," I sat back down on the bar stool and picked up my cup of coffee.

"It's true though," he stood behind the opposite side of the island so he could see me, and leaned on it with his elbows. "We all know you think I'm helplessly gorgeous."

"Yeah, yeah," I shrugged, still smiling.

"But it's okay, because I think _you're_ helplessly gorgeous too."

"Shut up," I was still grinning ridiculously, and I took a sip of my coffee. It was just right. "But seriously…what am I gonna say to him!?"

Eddie shrugged. "I don't know."

"Helpful." My grin turned in to a slight scowl.

"Sorry," Eddie shrugged sincerely and sipped his coffee. "But it's not like you've agreed to marry him or anything, right? You've only been on, what, two dates?"

I looked down sheepishly. And then realised how guilty I must have looked in that moment; I didn't even try to hide it. Stupid.

"What?" Eddie questioned suspiciously, trying to look at my face. "Why do you look so guilty?"

"Um…," I bit my lip, "we're…kind of…together now…" I didn't dare look up at him. I couldn't stand seeing the look on his face.

"You're…you're _what_?" Eddie questioned, frowning intensely. I glanced up at him for a moment and cringed. "And you didn't care to tell me!?"

"Oh, and what was I supposed to say? Was I supposed to just call you up and say, 'hey Eddie, just to let you know I'm with someone else now'? No, I couldn't do that!"

"Why not!?"

"Would you have _wanted_ me to do that? _Honestly_?"

"Well, no, but…I needed to know! You just left me hanging for _four weeks_!" Eddie was shouting now, and I was still looking down at the worktop in front of me. "Seriously, Patricia…that's not cool; you just left me waiting for a month. I had no idea what was going on. And now you're telling me that you have a _boyfriend_, and you just casually showed up last night to kiss me and…stuff…making me believe that I had you!?"

I stayed silent. I didn't know what to say to him, because I knew that I would start crying. He was right, I did a bad thing. It wasn't at all right.

"Stop yelling at me," I said, my voice tiny. I sounded so weak, and I hated that. "I was wrong, yeah, but I…"

"But what?"

I looked up at him then, and he looked shocked when he saw the tears rising in my eyes.

"Patricia…"  
"So…basically," I started, shrugging, "you're saying that you regret last night?"

"_No_," Eddie answered right away. "Of course not. Last night was…perfect. But I just wish I'd known about Ryan…"

"That would've made it worse, doofus."

"I guess so," Eddie chuckled, and then he came over to me. "Look, I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm just…confused."

"Me too."

"About us?"

"No," I said, "About _me_. I'm such a terrible person…what am I going to do?"

"You're not a terrible person. Don't speak like that. I don't know what you should do about this, but I do know you're not a terrible person."

"Yeah…whatever." I looked down at my lap and played with a piece of thread coming from the hoody I was wearing.

"Hey," Eddie said softly, holding his arms out. "Come here. Let's hug it out."

I grinned, only slightly, and stood up, wrapping my arms around his neck. I felt his arms snake around my waist and hold me tight, and for those few minutes that we were that close, I felt safe. And I knew, deep down, that this was where I belonged. Because no matter how many times I hugged Ryan, it never fit as well as it did when I hugged Eddie.

* * *

"Ryan? I…hi. Sorry, I suck at leaving voice-mails but I didn't want to text you…so…hi. Here I am. Call me back when you get this message…yeah? I just need to talk to you. I'm okay, don't worry, I just gotta see you. Let me know."

Sighing in frustration, I put my phone down in my lap and ran my fingers through my hair. I couldn't do this…I didn't want to do this. It was all so awkward, and so difficult, and I didn't like it.

I lay back on my bed and closed my eyes for a moment. And after a few minutes, my phone buzzed in my lap; for a moment I thought it might be Ryan, but when I saw my screen, Eddie's name was there. I smiled bittersweetly at the irony.

Eddie: _Hey. See me this afternoon? _

_Can't. I have to see Ryan, remember? UGH. _

Eddie: _Oh yeah. Good luck with that… _

_Gee, thanks. _

Eddie: _;) _

I rolled my eyes and smiled helplessly at my phone. He was so irritating.  
And then another text came through, and I smiled even more when I read it.

Eddie: _Seriously though, I hope it goes alright. Call me if u need me yeah? Love you. _

* * *

**A/N:** _Ugh, this was kind of just a fluffy chapter, I'm sorry for that. It was sort of a filler chapter, if you get what I mean?_

_Anyway, I hope you liked it! Please leave a review and let me know what you thought, and also what you think will happen! :)  
_

_I'm gonna be really different and a little mean and give you a chapter 13 preview;) _

_Coming up in chapter thirteen: We see how Patricia attempts to fix some of the mistakes she's made; Patricia gets some big news that could change the direction of her life...especially her life with Eddie. _

**_Don't forget to follow me on my new Twitter, if you haven't already! :) username: lovecamedown13 (link on my profile.)_**

_Love :* xxx_


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